CA2729 is Down! :)

Hi all!

It has been a while since I last wrote a blog, but all last week my brother was here providing me with amazing distractions, and previous to that I was still grumpy from port surgery, and post Mike being here I had a cat show in Philly to deal with (although I only had the gusto to make it for one day).

Anyway, I woke up today to an email from my Oncologist, the awesome Dr. Gaffar! There is a cancer marker in your blood that they watch that elevates when you have cancer, the type they are watching in me is called CA2729, and they hope to see the number go down once you start treatment. My email this morning informed me that the marker was cut by more than half since before I started treatment! :) I love having this news because it helps me know that our course of action is doing some butt kicking :)

So, backtracking a bit, my brother was in town last week. That was super awesome because I haven't seen him since the wedding. I love him and he made my heart smile every moment that we were together. He flew off to a wedding in Florence for one of his best friends, but he will be stopping back through for Labor day, so I'll have one last chance to hug and kiss him until he's back off to Seattle.

Leigh also came for a visit, which was totally awesome! I didn't get enough time with her since it totally coincided with doctor's appointments and my brother's visit, but she'll be back soon and we will get to frolic more.

So the cat show this weekend was cool, but a decent 2 hour drive, and I was not so successful in the sales. But, I did get to see some really great friends and I met some new lovely people. There are so many people out there that are affected by cancer and I just never realized. Everyone was very supportive and giving me positive feedback and tips. I LOVE POSITIVITY. Oh, and here is Lynzkatz Possum, an American Shorthair who is whooping butt in the shows right now, top cat at the moment! He's gorgeous an a sweetheart and I got to pet him for the first time at this show. He is amazing :)

The cat show was also awesome cause there were tons of Burmese and Bombays! More than I've seen at a show lately, so that was really great :) I wish I had taken more photos, but this one of Possum was all that I took. I'll hopefully have Nic around at the show next month in Timonium to help make sure I take a proper amount of pictures.


Now back to my mention of POSITIVITY, and this is sort of a spin off, but while only rarely, on my Facebook, people leave things that aren't conducive to positivity. I'm not going to mention specifics, but please people, if you have some link to show me, or something to say that definitely goes against the plan that my doctors have put in place for me, please do not show me. The best thing I can do is believe in my course of action and trust my doctors and know that I am going to come through this and beat it. I love all of the food suggestions and exercise or alternative healing practices, but anything that puts down what my doctors have planned for me is not a helpful suggestion. I just wanted to put that out there.

I'm going to be embarking on something new as well. Reiki. But I'll write about this in my next blog :)

My acid reflux is kicking my throat right now, my hair is falling out, so I'm going to go hunt for my Pepcid and work on these Neff beanie hats that I am making with hair extensions sewn into them.

I'll leave you all with a couple of pictures of the furry cuties in the household:

A Little Bit Of Port (shucks, I don't mean the wine)

Hi Everyone!

First off, does everyone (at least in the Baltimore area) see how beautiful it is out today? Oh my gosh! Granted its still warm for my taste, its lovely to view out the window ;) Come on September! Nice weather will bring the return of lovely morning Stoneleigh walks with my dad. <3

OK, so what has happened since I last wrote? Well, a big piece of news is that I picked up my first wig!  Before the beautiful and amazing Jasmine and her sister embarked on the journey of donating their hair and having a wig created for me, I had already started one in the works. I am very excited that I will have two so I will not be stuck in a situation where I have nothing to put on my head! I have to give a HUGE shout out to my amazing in laws Joe and Mary Alger for purchasing this very generous gift for me. Wigs like this are not cheap, but having this will really help my self esteem and just my sense of normalcy through all of this. I am so grateful <3 My wig looks exactly like my hair. I mean, its insane. Sherri Romm at Versacchi is a wizard, a genius, an absolute artist. Seriously... If anyone reading this is in a similar situation of needing hair replacement, please check out this salon. Not only is she talented, but she is just unbelievably sweet and compassionate too.

So that was Wednesday, on to Thursday, and Thursday was PORT DAY don don don

So I went in for surgery to have a port placed. I'm going to cheat and just copy some wikipedia information on what a port is for anyone who might not know:

In medicine, a port (or portacath) is a small medical appliance that is installed beneath the skin. A catheter connects the port to a vein. Under the skin, the port has a septum through which drugs can be injected and blood samples can be drawn many times, usually with less discomfort for the patient than a more typical "needle stick".

The port is usually inserted in the upper chest, just below the clavicle or collar bone, leaving the patient's hands free.

I googled a picture of what the thing that they inserted in me looks like: 

So surgery wasn't so bad. They put me under, so I don't really remember too much. Recovery wasn't that bad, and I had great nurses as usual. It was pretty rough the rest of the night though with nausea, because I am so sensitive to the anesthesia and I had taken vicodin on a pretty much empty stomach. Silly me. Sleep was also hard to come by because I was left with some decent pain from the procedure. I'm feeling a lot better today, though there is definitely some residual nausea. I just finally took one of the pills that they prescribed for nausea that I've been avoiding because I did not want to deal with the side effects listed. The last thing you want is medicine that makes you drowsy when you've already been drowsy for an entire day post anesthesia. Anyway, I took it a few minutes ago, so we'll see how it goes. 

Today I got a really cute gift from the gang at my dentist's office. Thank you so much everyone @ The Smile Design Center for my super adorable Build-a-bear kitty, who happens to look JUST LIKE one of my favorite ambassador cats from the cat shows, who happens to be named Hope, so I have named the kitty you guys gave me Hope as well :) She'll definitely be coming with me to Chemo in her super comfy robe and slippers! Here is a photo of me w/ the stuffed kitty (and my kitty ice pack), and a photo of the real Hope ;)

Anyway, I shall sign off from this blog post with a morning time crazy haired family portrait (minus Biko cause she was off sleeping somewhere still) I hope everyone is having a great day, and LOVE TO ALL!! <3 <3

XOXO,

LINDS

A Proper Thank You

Hello there friends,

I felt it necessary today to just leave a quick shout out to everyone. I have been very blessed to have so many people sending me their love, rooting for me, sending me little notes and gifts, messages on Facebook, comments on here, etc.

It has been hard for me to acknowledge everything properly, but I Just want everyone to know that I have appreciated every thing. Every time I get a message from anyone it puts a huge smile on my face. It really helps me stay positive knowing that you guys are out there thinking of me and everything.

I've gotten some cute cards too as well, and I received a particularly awesome one today from my godmother: I think i'm mostly resembling sleeping beauty right now, but I'd like to get more along the lines of little red riding hood ;)

I also received a nice package from a friend of my beloved Jasmine which included some cancer books which I am excited to explore:

AND! I still don't know who the mystery person is who left the box of ice pops, a Rita's gift card and some cute Daisies on my doorstep, but it was much appreciated!!! :)

Anyway, I just want everyone to know I read every word I see written and smile at every message that is relayed to me. Thank you all for being here for me, and supporting me through this.

I'm feeling a bit under the weather today... They said that you might have some flu like/cold symptoms at some point.. I think they might have come today. My face feels swollen and I feel tired. I am going to go do some massive hydrating right now I think. Oh, and who knew that Acne came with chemo? (or quitting birth control...) I've never had acne, so if anyone has any experience with chemo and acne, or just acne, please hook a sister up with some tips because this is lame!

haha..
Love to all,
Linds

Chemo and Cat Show Weekend!

Hey all,
how is everyone today? well I hope :)

Biko and I just sat down to write a blog together, although she is spending more time trying to knock little things off my desk rather than help me focus on typing.

So I had my second round of chemo on friday, and it went about the same as the last. There are such great doctors and nurses and all around awesome people at the hospital so it always makes it a much more pleasant experience. I had a pretty large posse with me for this go around, which was pretty nice. It was Mom, Dad, Nic, Laura, and Nic's parents Mary and Joe!

Hopefully this was my last chemo IV! I have a consultation on tuesday for getting surgery to put a port put into my chest.


















We all went out to dinner afterwards at Gertrude's, which of course we all know is my favorite restaurant. (and where Nic and I got married). I had the Sea Bass... amaaaaaaaazing!!!


So then this weekend was CAT SHOW TIME!!! I was so happy to be able to go! Nic was a huge help with me all weekend. I got to hang out with awesome people this weekend too, like Deborah Curtis who is one of the awesomest and strongest and most beautiful people I know. Somehow I came away from this weekend without a photo of us, but I'll get one at the next show (in Philly in about two weeks.. its after a chemo day so we'll see if I am up for it, but i hope so!)

This is Hope, she is an Ambassador cat at the cat shows. She's an exotic shorthair and very plush an amazing :)

I made some decent sales at the show, had a good time, and saw lots of great cats. It was definitely a good experience for my morale :) Though after each day I was pretty much completely bushwhacked and couldn't get off the couch. Luckily I had a friend named Apollo who was more than happy to enjoy the "fatigue symptoms" with me:

I made a list of things I would like to get done today... I think there are over 30. I'm not really sure how that happened, but I think I'll choose 5 good ones to tackle, cause I just don't know about the energy levels. I hope everyone has a glorious day today :)

XOXO,
Linds

Ain't No Party Like A Liver Biopsy Party

Actually there is no party about it. Don't do it. Ever.

There is no ifs ands or butts, a liver biopsy is going to hurt like heck.

Before I get into anything, I must say, a friend sent me a photo the morning of the biopsy that was probably the only thing that could have put a smile on my face knowing what I had to go in for...and it is his most perfectly adorable pug Lydia!!

Its nice to have that day over and past though. I actually don't really want to even go back into describing it, but needless to say, the procedure was a really unpleasant one and the rest of the day was sort of a lost day because I was sick from the sedatives and in a lot of pain from needles mussing with my liver.

I tried to put on a smile before I went in for the procedure but I know this one looks a bit fake:

Today is a new day! Today was Brain MRI  Day. Wheeee. Much easier to deal with. I just had to sit inside of a MRI machine for like a half hour that vibrated like a bad massage chair. I might have lost a few brain cells in the process, but it was pain free (even the injection was no big deal). I will hopefully have results from that test  tomorrow when I meet with my oncologist after chemo.

Nic's parents are coming into town today! So that will be really awesome to see Mary and Joe :) They'll be here for a little while and get to get in on the super awesome shindig that is chemo fridays.

super important piece of info: CAT SHOW THIS WEEKEND!
hahaha... yess! As long as my bloodwork comes back with happy white blood cell counts, I'm allowed to go :) My goal is to vend, so hopefully chemo doesn't wipe me out too much. If I am tired from it, I will at least go and try to hang out all day both days, probably to the annoyance of my friends :) We all know that cat shows are one of my favorite activities in the world so I hope everything works out well. So anyone who is around and loves cats, the show is this weekend at the TIMONIUM FAIR GROUNDS! There will be lots of awesome people and awesome kitties and it'll just be an all around good time. Come support me, my friends, whatever :)

I've also been working on cleaning my room. I'm going to try to make things a little more zen around here. If you know me and my bedroom, you know that i'm slightly borderline hoarder status (mostly because of my fabrics). Nic has been helping me tremendously on an organizational system, and my mom is giving us her office for my new sewing room! Beyond generous!

Anyway, today is a good day, and I'm hyper, probably because I'm back on the dexamethasone for four days. I'm going to take advantage of the energy cause i'm sure I'll lose a step after chemo again.

Anyway, i'm going to go play with Pierre and Biko for a bit. I love all you guys and I'm sure I'll have some more to write post chemo.

LOVE YOU,
LINDS

here is a photo of Pierre, Zeus, and Apollo to brighten your day. They know how to relax and be zen.

Water

Ok this this will be short and sweet. I wasn't planning on sitting down to write a blog today because I have to be at the hospital the next three days taking care of tests and stuff so those things are much more interesting to write about.

BUT!

A huge thing I have learned from cancer so far, and I'm sure many of you were smart enough to already know this, but if you didn't...here it is

WATER IS AMAZING

People always says "you don't drink enough water", and you shrug it off because you don't feel particularly thirsty and what not. Since I started going through all of these appointments at the hospital, I've been told to have certain amounts of water every day. Now that I am going through chemo, they say I need to have a minimum of 64oz of water a day (I've been shooting more for in the 80's). Before this, I was lucky to drink like two small bottles a day.

I thought for a second that chemo was the miracle to good skin, and then I realized, oh wait, its the water! haha... I've always been complimented on my skin, but I've never felt like it was particularly amazing or anything. These last two weeks of drinking water, the color/feel/quality/whatever of my skin has improved drastically. My nails are growing faster, my shaved legs feel way smoother (though now i'm supposed to quit using a regular razor...stupid chemo) haha..

anyway, like I said, this probably wasn't huge news to anyone, but if any of you feel like you could be drinking more water, I highly recommend you start. Its amazing how it makes you feel, even though at first its more like a chore making sure you are drinking that much.

OK, i'm done now. Dad and I are going to Whole Foods.

And I feel great today, by the way :)

XOXO,
Linds

(P.S. I seem to think these posts will be short and sweet, and I say they will be, and then I ramble. Silly me ;))

Two Days After First Chemo Session

Hi all,

Just thought I'd check in. I've been lucky to have the past two days, as well as the next two, to just relax. So far my symptoms from chemo has been mild (fingers crossed!). I've been mostly dealing with a lot of skin flushing and some fatigue. I've got a decent amount of energy until around 2pm or so and then I've been kind of done. Luckily I have my wonderful family around to hang out with me and bring me popsicles :)

I did get some errands done the past two days, which made me feel good. Today Nic and I went looking at mattresses. Did you know that they had beds out there with cool gel that runs through them? When your skin is flushing so hot, that sounds like the most amazing thing on earth. I could have laid on the beds at the mattress stores all day.

This Phenom was pretty comfy, but Tempurpedic definitely reigned supreme.

Nic and I also went to the grocery store today and got some kale and leeks, fruit, and tons of popsicles and ice cream :) (and SUNFLOWERS of course) there is nothing happier than a sunflower.

But, alas, the grocery store and the mattress scouting was about all I was good for today.  I ate today too though, which was good. Not a lot, but way more than I did yesterday. Food just sounded so gross yesterday. The only thing that has gotten me to eat so far is Rigatoni Abruzzi from Bertuccis. mmmm... (although it took me four meals over two days to finish one portion)

Anyway, Nic snapped a photo of me with Apollo and Lamby now that i'm bushwhacked on the couch.

As long as things go like this, I have two more days of no doctors. That makes me happy :) Next week I deal with a liver biopsy, a brain MRI, and more chemo, but until then, I'll just enjoy my family, kitties, and probably get some sewing in tomorrow :)

XOXO,

Linds

First Day of Chemo

Hi all..

So today I spent 7 hours at the hospital for my first chemotherapy session. That is a LONG time to be at the hospital. It went really well though. We had a chemo class in the morning at 8:30, they went over side effects and how everything works.

I had to get blood work done and wait for like an hour to make sure my blood was looking good enough to take the medications. They have decided to give me the Taxotere in two separate installments instead of the whole dose at once, so instead of having to go to chemo once every three weeks, at least in the beginning, i have to go two weeks in a row, with one week off. Hopefully this will lessen the harsh side effects of this drug, primarily the fact that it can significantly lower my white blood cells and make me very prone to infections. Sadly, no more raw meat/fish for me, and I have to be really careful to wash all of my vegetables. No ordering salads or anything at restaurants.

So today wasn't so bad. I know that you don't feel sick right away, so I wasn't expecting it to be a hard day. I had my father, my mother, Nic, and my dear friend Laura come with me today. You know people love you when they sit around with you for 7 hours while you are hooked up to an IV.

I have about four days off from the hospital, hopefully, and then I have another barrage of tests. I have to go in for a liver biopsy, a brain scan, more chemo, and a meeting with my oncologist.

Every doctor I have encountered at St. Joseph's is AMAZING. All of my doctors came and sat with me for extended periods of time throughout the day. They really care about their patients and it makes the whole experience that much more bearable.

There were some nice people around me receiving treatment as well. The wife of a man receiving treatment saw my hello kitty shirt, as well as the hello kitty scrub shirt of my infusion nurse, and she ended up going to the gift shop and buying us both Hello Kitty Pez Dispensers! haha..i thought that was really sweet for a perfect stranger to do :)

SO, hopefully I continue to feel good. We shall see. Hopefully the smaller dose of Taxotere will make it easier on me. The only side effect that I have felt so far is that I had some pretty bad face flushing earlier, but i'm feeling better from that. I know i'll probably have more effects coming in the next few days, but hopefully they will be mild.

On a slightly different note, my absolutely amazing friend Jasmine and her sister have decided to cut their hair and have it turned into a wig to donate to me. (how unbelievable is that!) They started a fundraising website where they can try to accumulate the money to pay to have the hair turned into a wig. If anyone is interested in donating any amount at all, it would be amazing. Here is the link if you would like to check it out:

http://www.youcaring.com/fundraiser_details?url=lindsnewdo&fundraiser_id=6894

SO, here are some pictures from today: Me sitting in my chemo chair

and good ol' Lamby coming along for the chemo:

Love you guys,

Linds

MUGA Scan and Wig Shopping

Hi all,

So today was a long day. I went back to the doctor early afternoon because I have to get a baseline test done of my heart. Its called a MUGA scan, which just makes me think of muggles from Harry Potter. :)

It wasn't too bad... they put yet another IV in my arm and took some blood. Then the girl brought it back somewhere and mixed it with some type of radioactive agent, and 25 minutes later re-injected it into my body. The scan wasn't bad at all, it was actually quite relaxing. Nic got to sit with me the entire time so it wasn't bad at all, except that the IV hurt quite a bit because I've been stuck so many times in the past week. The technician seemed to think that everything looked good in my heart (it tests the ventricle function to make sure that your heart is pumping blood efficiently). She said that she couldn't say for sure until they looked at it a little further, but she seemed fine on it. They do this test to make sure your heart is strong because a side effect of that Pertuzumab is that in very few women, it messes with your heart function. Lets hope that is not my problem!

After the doctor, Nic and I went to Versacchi in Owings Mills to talk to them about wigs. I'm probably going to be losing my hair within two weeks, but they seem confident that they can have a wig made up for me in time. Everyone there was so nice and compassionate, and they showed me some sample wigs that looked amazing! They are going to make me a wig that looks almost exactly like my current hair cut and color, so that makes me really happy. They say that its not the vanity of the hair, but just the normalcy that comes from looking at your self in the mirror and feeling like you are still you. I'm really excited about these women there. I even found out that I went to school with the receptionist, and they were awesome enough to give me a bit of a discount for "friends and family". SO AWESOME :) But to be straight, wigs like this are EXPENSIVE. Like, whatever you are thinking an expensive wig costs, you should probably at least double it, if not triple it. The place I ordered mine from was not as expensive as the other place I called today, but the first place I called quoted me "more than the baseline of $2000, possibly up to $3000, since I'll need custom work to make it look like my own hair". I am stoked to go with Versacci though, the place rules, and these are not your wigs from sally's. This wig is gonna look just like my own hair, and feel like it (though a bit thicker since this is my chance to have thick hair :)), so its totally worth the cost.

Nic and I then went to Smyth so I could see my co-workers and say "see ya later" for about three weeks. My doctor thinks that I should cut out of work for at least the first round of chemo to see how I handle it. I love my old department and my new department at work, so it was really wonderful to hug everyone and get to chat for a bit. My boss, my coworkers showed me so much love and understanding. I wish I could still see them every day. <3

Nic and I then went to get some chicken, naked juices, and lots of peppers, carrots and veggies from Fresh Market. Right next to fresh market was a really awesome Yoga shop, so I decided that I was going to get some Chemo clothes. I mean, if you have to go through this, you might as well be super comfy, and what is more comfy than yoga clothes? They're always super expensive, but I'm stoked and it'll be nice to wear them tomorrow.

I know this is getting long, if anyone is still hanging in there, here is the plan for tomorrow:

Chemo class and then Chemo (which will be a number of hours). I'll be getting loading doses of the drugs so I think it will take a little longer than normal. Its scary, and I hope I don't feel too sick from it (although they tell me that you usually feel sick a few days or so out, not the first days).

ALSO, I found out that I am in fact BRCA positive. Its a gene mutation in Ashkenazi women. (European Jewish Background) It greatly increases your risk of Ovarian and Breast Cancer, especially in young women. This is probably the reason I developed cancer.

I'll post tomorrow and let everyone know how it went (as long as I'm feeling good.)

Nic bought me a little stuffed lamb that looks JUST like Biko, so she is my new Chemo Lamb. I'll be taking her with me.

So, until tomorrow, LOVE YOU <3, Linds

Visit with my Oncologist

Hi all. Sooo, I dated this post for yesterday because I'm going to write about yesterday separately from today. Yesterday, being Wednesday, I met with my Oncologist. His name is Dr. Gafar and he is really awesome :) He's young and funny and patient and seems really caring.

Overview on my cancer: 
• Stage 4 Ductal Carcinoma Breast Cancer that has metastasized to my Liver
• I have two tumors on my left breat and four on my liver
• I'm going to have to work super freaking hard to kick this thing's ass.

He went over everything with us again, showed me the PET scans of my body so I could see the areas of my liver that are affected. I'll tell you what, its REALLY scary to see those large black spots on the scan... I really wish that they could find a way to make them bright pink or something so at least it wouldn't seem to scary and ominous to see cancer on a scan.

We talked a lot about the cocktail that I'm going to get during my chemotherapy sessions, side effects, etc. For any of you medical buffs that are interested, these are the drugs that I'm going to be taking:

• Pertuzumab (aka Perjeta)- This is a super brand new drug that just got approved by the FDA in June. Its a targeted therapy drug and everyone is super excited about this drug. It has shown to be very effective at shrinking the type of cancer I have, along with having minimal side effects. I'm really excited and I have high hopes for it (as do my doctors)

• Herceptin- This is also another drug that is a targeted therapy. It is going to hone in on the receptors that I have on my cancer cells and hopefully shrink the crap out of them :)

• Taxotere- This is a basic chemotherapy drug. This is the drug that will bring the side effects (fatigue, hair loss, possible infertility/menopause (hopefully not), etc. Its the one that makes you feel like crap sometimes. Its job is to kill the cells that the other drugs inhibit and shrink.

The doctor told me some news that is sort of hard to wrap my head around. He said that at this point, since I have stage 4 metastatic breast cancer, I'll likely never be cancer free. He compared to being like living with diabetes or high blood pressure. If you don't take your medicine, it could kill you. But the goal is to shrink up these tumors, possibly cut out some stuff way down the road, and then keep me on medication to help keep it quiet. Its not the best news that someone could get, but anything to be ALIVE. I'm still going to be as positive and as strong as I can be.


So, I start Chemo on Friday. I'm nervous, but I've got such a wonderful support team :) Nic and my parents are going to come with me, and Laura (just like a sister, and has been AMAZING during this all so far) took off work so she can come with us tomorrow too!

There are like a million other things that we talked about, but I feel like I covered the biggies.

THANK YOU to everyone who has been sending their love, light, support, positivity. It means so much to me. I've gotten so much love on Facebook, and I'm sorry if I am slow to write back to everyone, but every moment of my time almost has been consumed with doctors appointments, scans, communing with my family... I'm so talked out by the end of the day when I can get to my computer. But every word from everyone means so much to me, and it makes me feel strong and more positive every time I get a note or a text... I love you all and all of this love I am getting back makes me feel like I can really beat this.

<3,
Linds

Diagnosis

Hello there loved ones. I'm starting this blog for two reasons. One, it will be a way to keep everyone informed of what is going on with my health and treatment, and Two, I hope it will be a way to help me keep my head on my shoulders by getting out some of my feelings. I'm sort of short on words right now, but here is the lowdown of what I've recently found is happening silently inside of my body:

I had elective surgery two weeks ago to remove a benign mass from my breast. While my wonderful surgeon was in there, he found two other suspicious looking masses and removed them. They were biopsied and a week later I learned that I have breast cancer.

On Monday I had a CT and PET scan, along with a MRI of my breasts. I went in yesterday for my results. I found out that the cancer had somehow bypassed my lymph nodes and just spread through my blood to my liver. I have four tumors on my liver.

I go into the hospital today to meet with the oncologist, and I should be starting chemotherapy on Friday. Within a matter of two weeks, my whole world has been turned upside down. I mean, I just got married two months ago. It feels like I've been gutted. I have to say goodbye to my hair, goodbye to my current routine and carefree living, and I have to fight with everything I have to keep my life. I want to stay alive.

I have the most loving and devoted husband, the most wonderful family a girl could ask for, and amazing and supportive friends. I'm lucky I don't have to go through this alone, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't terrified.

So please help me surround myself with love and positivity, because those will be my best weapons against this disease. I have too many plans and I want to live to see many more decades.

I don't want the people who love me to have to suffer that kind of loss.

I'm 28 years old and I have stage IV breast cancer. Thats a really hard one to wrap my head around but I'm choosing to fight.

----------

Here is a photo from the happiest day of my life, just to offset the gloom. :)