Its been a long time since I've written anything here....
That means thing were going really well for a long time.
As most people know, I was diagnosed with stage four breast cancer in July of 2012. I've been fighting for four years. I've gone through tough chemo and targeted chemo. I've lost my hair and grew it back. I've been on steroids and had a fat face and couldn't sleep, and for the past two plus years, I've been on a really mellow drug that didn't have many terrible side effects except that I don't heal well from injuries and I have fatigue.
Unfortunately the super drug i've been on, Kadcyla, is no longer working. Kadcyla and I had a great year and a half run. It kept everything at bay and we were good friends. Now... well, now it isn't working anymore. There is a tumor in my breast that has been growing like a weed. Luckily, the tumors in my liver have still been tiny or nonexistent. I hope it stays that way, as a liver is more important than a breast. But shit... it is scary as hell to find out that the super drug that everyone raved about and waited for no longer works. It doesn't work. It doesn't work. It drives me crazy to understand that. I think its very hard for someone who has never experienced long term cancer therapy to understand how terrifying that is. I may be scared, but I will never give up.
I had a scan today. 7 weeks ago the tumor is my breast was 14.86 x 12.46mm. Now it is 19.3 x 14.3mm. Thats a significant growth. I knew I was going to hear that today because I have felt it. I can't sleep on my left side, which is the side that is normally most comfortable to sleep on, because the tumor hurts so much. I have nightmares every night because of my subconscious knowing that I am sick. Life is really scary with cancer. I can tell you, it is so much scarier when it comes back and you know it has become drug resistant.
I won't stop fighting. I won't give up. I may have lost this most recent fight, but I will win the next one. I don't want you to feel sorry for me, I want you to send me love, light, and prayers. I want you to know that I am doing the best I can. I cannot be positive every day. I cannot eat the best every day, I cannot be the poster child for cancer ever day, but I try my best.
Please know that I love each and every one of you who is going to read this. It means you are the people who are closest to me, or people who care about someone fighting a horrible disease. Life is so beautiful and so horrible at the same time. All I can do is smile, ride horses, swim, love my kitties and puppies, kiss and hug my most beloved friends and family, and hope that I can continue on for years to come. I don't know if that is in the cards for me, but I will try my best. I will do everything I can to stay alive. I am terrified today. So scared that I cry as I write this.
I have so much yet to do in this life. I don't know why I have cancer. I don't know why I have to fight this. But, here I am. My life is a battle, it has been for four years. Four long years, but also the shortest years you can imagine. I hope that makes sense to some people. Thank you for reading this, and thank you for loving me. Keep me in your thoughts. I need help now, very badly. I just want to grow old like everyone else. I don't want to be 30something and say goodbye.
I will post in a few days when I find out the new drug regimen and side effects and all that.
Love you all,
Linds
Thursday, May 19, 2016
Wednesday, July 29, 2015
Cecil the Lion
So I am veering away from the topic of cancer, mostly, for this post. I haven't posted in a very long time, but I cannot find a way to keep quiet at this moment.
Walter Palmer... Wow. What a despicable human being. It would be very hard to be worse than this creature. It makes me feel embarassed to be of the same species. This piece of slime believes that he is a hunter... lets chat about that first.
Who hunts? Animals who need food. Who hunts for fun? The only animal that fits that bill is a human. Alot of humans who I would consider hunters are actually what they claim to be- they hunt animals and eat them, use their skin/fur for clothing or crafts, and they don't waste anything. That, while controversial, has an excuse and the animal gave its life for a reason. A reason that means something. It isn't that much different than the fox who hunts the hare.
Now, in Walter Palmer's case, we are talking about TROPHY HUNTING. Hahahha... wow. How, for ONE SECOND, could anyone think that it is ok to kill another living creature just for his head, or his skin, or his tusks, or his bones, etc. There is absolutely no excuse for trophy hunting. There is absolutely no excuse for murdering any threatened or endangered species. There is absolutely no excuse for murdering a living creature, cutting off his head and stealing his skin, and leaving his carcass to rot on the plains. Does this type of torture sound that much different than ISIS?
FUCK YOU WALTER PALMER.
He apologized. Will an apology bring back Cecil? Will an apology save his cubs from the incoming males that will take over his pride and kill his children? Will an apology bring back the lives of all of the big game, beautiful animals Walter Palmer has murdered? He has already been convicted of illegally killing animals before. An apology means NOTHING!
Walter Palmer deserves to suffer. He deserves to have his business ruined. His family desert him. The world shun him and hate him. He is no better than Michael Vick... just in a different kind of crime. He should never be forgiven, as he has murdered so many animals it is far too late to apologize.
I fear the media will calm down and forget about him in a few weeks. Please don't forget. Don't let him revive his business. Don't let him win back any love. This person deserves to rot in hell for the crime he has committed.
And yes, I know he is not the only one who has committed a terrible crime like this... he is just first on my list. I hope with help from others, we can take them all down.
It isn't hard to live life without harming others. It isn't hard to appreciate life. It isn't hard to understand that trophy hunting is no different than murder. It isn't hard to see that selfish people don't deserve the breath they are given. I'd like to say I would never wish the disease I have on anyone else, but its hard to watch these arrogant healthy assholes murdering beautiful and precious wildlife for no other reason than to prove to themselves that it is ok they have tiny cocks. (or whatever stupid reason they have, because some of them are women.)
I will never forget Cecil the lion, I promise you that. I haven't forgotten the kitten that was murdered by Michael Almony of Finksburg, MD by running him over back and forth. I haven't forgotten the dogs that Michael Vick killed and tortured and fought. I haven't forgotten about Kristen Lindsey in Texas, the "veterinarian" who shot an orange tabby with an arrow. I havent forgotten about Rebecca Francis who takes smiling selfies with big game she has murdered.
These people will pay one day. Karma is beautiful, and karma is a bitch. Whether you agree with me or not, this is what matters to me, and I will await the justice. I will await their lives being ruined. It will happen one day or another.
One of my most beloved friends died of cancer last year. Adrian Suskin was from Zimbabwe... we would sit together at the hospital, have chemo, and he would show me beautiful photos from Africa. I have no doubt that he knew Cecil. I have no doubt his heart would break if he were alive to hear about this. Half of my rage is for the desecration of what my dear friend cared about so much...
#RIPCECIL
#BURNINHELLTROPHYHUNTERS
-Linds
Walter Palmer... Wow. What a despicable human being. It would be very hard to be worse than this creature. It makes me feel embarassed to be of the same species. This piece of slime believes that he is a hunter... lets chat about that first.
Who hunts? Animals who need food. Who hunts for fun? The only animal that fits that bill is a human. Alot of humans who I would consider hunters are actually what they claim to be- they hunt animals and eat them, use their skin/fur for clothing or crafts, and they don't waste anything. That, while controversial, has an excuse and the animal gave its life for a reason. A reason that means something. It isn't that much different than the fox who hunts the hare.
Now, in Walter Palmer's case, we are talking about TROPHY HUNTING. Hahahha... wow. How, for ONE SECOND, could anyone think that it is ok to kill another living creature just for his head, or his skin, or his tusks, or his bones, etc. There is absolutely no excuse for trophy hunting. There is absolutely no excuse for murdering any threatened or endangered species. There is absolutely no excuse for murdering a living creature, cutting off his head and stealing his skin, and leaving his carcass to rot on the plains. Does this type of torture sound that much different than ISIS?
FUCK YOU WALTER PALMER.
He apologized. Will an apology bring back Cecil? Will an apology save his cubs from the incoming males that will take over his pride and kill his children? Will an apology bring back the lives of all of the big game, beautiful animals Walter Palmer has murdered? He has already been convicted of illegally killing animals before. An apology means NOTHING!
Walter Palmer deserves to suffer. He deserves to have his business ruined. His family desert him. The world shun him and hate him. He is no better than Michael Vick... just in a different kind of crime. He should never be forgiven, as he has murdered so many animals it is far too late to apologize.
I fear the media will calm down and forget about him in a few weeks. Please don't forget. Don't let him revive his business. Don't let him win back any love. This person deserves to rot in hell for the crime he has committed.
And yes, I know he is not the only one who has committed a terrible crime like this... he is just first on my list. I hope with help from others, we can take them all down.
It isn't hard to live life without harming others. It isn't hard to appreciate life. It isn't hard to understand that trophy hunting is no different than murder. It isn't hard to see that selfish people don't deserve the breath they are given. I'd like to say I would never wish the disease I have on anyone else, but its hard to watch these arrogant healthy assholes murdering beautiful and precious wildlife for no other reason than to prove to themselves that it is ok they have tiny cocks. (or whatever stupid reason they have, because some of them are women.)
I will never forget Cecil the lion, I promise you that. I haven't forgotten the kitten that was murdered by Michael Almony of Finksburg, MD by running him over back and forth. I haven't forgotten the dogs that Michael Vick killed and tortured and fought. I haven't forgotten about Kristen Lindsey in Texas, the "veterinarian" who shot an orange tabby with an arrow. I havent forgotten about Rebecca Francis who takes smiling selfies with big game she has murdered.
These people will pay one day. Karma is beautiful, and karma is a bitch. Whether you agree with me or not, this is what matters to me, and I will await the justice. I will await their lives being ruined. It will happen one day or another.
One of my most beloved friends died of cancer last year. Adrian Suskin was from Zimbabwe... we would sit together at the hospital, have chemo, and he would show me beautiful photos from Africa. I have no doubt that he knew Cecil. I have no doubt his heart would break if he were alive to hear about this. Half of my rage is for the desecration of what my dear friend cared about so much...
#RIPCECIL
#BURNINHELLTROPHYHUNTERS
-Linds
Monday, July 15, 2013
Coping, when the physical storm has quieted...
but things grow inside not only the body but in the mind.
I haven't written for a while. I've been in a place that I haven't been able to really figure out.
I've healed from surgeries. I've been back at work consistently (part time). I'm even back at the gym (hoorah, time to loose some weight!). I've felt so strange though, ever since surgery. At first I thought it was just my friend moving away, but my mental anguish only increased. My body too, is not the same. My doctors tell me that the things that I am feeling are all due to menopause. Instead of gradually moving into it as other women do, I was thrown smack down into the heart of it by having my surgery. I was dealing with the hot flashes, but I had this horrible insomnia. So, being already sad, and then not sleeping, kept me in a constant circle of what can only be described as depression I guess. I kept denying it, how could I possibly be depressed when I'm given a continued gift of life for now? I felt sort of like a completely ungrateful jerk being depressed when I still get to wake up every day to this beautiful world. Even knowing that, I couldn't help it. Last month I was crying all the time. Everything overwhelmed me. Anyone who really knows me knows how much I hate to cry...I've always been sort of ashamed of crying, like I was being weak. It scared me too- I know how much strength it takes to live with cancer and continually keep it at bay, and I was scared that crying was going to harm me. There was nothing I could do though. Its so weird to knowingly acknowledge something unusual happening, but not be able to do anything about it. So, my oncologist said it was time for me to start taking an anti-depressant. They not only help with my mental state, but also reduce hot flash symptoms.
So, things have been slowly getting easier to handle, mentally. I sleep more because the hot flashes at night have gotten much more infrequent.
I did have to start taking another pill though- an aromatase inhibitor. Basically without ovaries, my body stopped producing 98% of the estrogen in my body. But, your adrenal glands produce the last two percent. Unfortunately this percentage is enough to be dangerous, so I have to take these pills that are supposed to shut down that production. The side effects are a bummer though... I have a higher risk of bone density loss, I have a bunch of joint pain (especially in my hands), I have increased fatigue (which is also a side effect of my antidepressants), and menopause side effects in general are increased.
Its funny the things you have to go through... You have to decide what is worth it. Quality of life...
I'm still learning to deal with all of this stuff. This blog entry is sort of rough, I wonder how many people have made it through, haha.
I'm learning, trying, to look at each day and each day only. No backwards or forwards. Just today. Today, I'm grateful. I woke up to a day of sunlight, saw my parents (my angels), spent time with my beloved babies Pierre, Biko, and Elvis, and I know that I will see my sweet husband in a couple hours. I am grateful for life. It is very easy to take it for granted, to take those that you love for granted. Unfortunately it takes something crazy shitty for you to see sometimes... I spent alot of time in my life being ungrateful and regretful. No more.
Thank you for life. Thank you for my family. Thank you for my babies. Thank you for my friends. Thank you for the light, the air, the love, the joy...
I'm going to try harder to be brave again. I know its the changes in my body that are affecting my mind and I will find my way back to being a warrior.
Love,
Linds
I haven't written for a while. I've been in a place that I haven't been able to really figure out.
I've healed from surgeries. I've been back at work consistently (part time). I'm even back at the gym (hoorah, time to loose some weight!). I've felt so strange though, ever since surgery. At first I thought it was just my friend moving away, but my mental anguish only increased. My body too, is not the same. My doctors tell me that the things that I am feeling are all due to menopause. Instead of gradually moving into it as other women do, I was thrown smack down into the heart of it by having my surgery. I was dealing with the hot flashes, but I had this horrible insomnia. So, being already sad, and then not sleeping, kept me in a constant circle of what can only be described as depression I guess. I kept denying it, how could I possibly be depressed when I'm given a continued gift of life for now? I felt sort of like a completely ungrateful jerk being depressed when I still get to wake up every day to this beautiful world. Even knowing that, I couldn't help it. Last month I was crying all the time. Everything overwhelmed me. Anyone who really knows me knows how much I hate to cry...I've always been sort of ashamed of crying, like I was being weak. It scared me too- I know how much strength it takes to live with cancer and continually keep it at bay, and I was scared that crying was going to harm me. There was nothing I could do though. Its so weird to knowingly acknowledge something unusual happening, but not be able to do anything about it. So, my oncologist said it was time for me to start taking an anti-depressant. They not only help with my mental state, but also reduce hot flash symptoms.
So, things have been slowly getting easier to handle, mentally. I sleep more because the hot flashes at night have gotten much more infrequent.
I did have to start taking another pill though- an aromatase inhibitor. Basically without ovaries, my body stopped producing 98% of the estrogen in my body. But, your adrenal glands produce the last two percent. Unfortunately this percentage is enough to be dangerous, so I have to take these pills that are supposed to shut down that production. The side effects are a bummer though... I have a higher risk of bone density loss, I have a bunch of joint pain (especially in my hands), I have increased fatigue (which is also a side effect of my antidepressants), and menopause side effects in general are increased.
Its funny the things you have to go through... You have to decide what is worth it. Quality of life...
I'm still learning to deal with all of this stuff. This blog entry is sort of rough, I wonder how many people have made it through, haha.
I'm learning, trying, to look at each day and each day only. No backwards or forwards. Just today. Today, I'm grateful. I woke up to a day of sunlight, saw my parents (my angels), spent time with my beloved babies Pierre, Biko, and Elvis, and I know that I will see my sweet husband in a couple hours. I am grateful for life. It is very easy to take it for granted, to take those that you love for granted. Unfortunately it takes something crazy shitty for you to see sometimes... I spent alot of time in my life being ungrateful and regretful. No more.
Thank you for life. Thank you for my family. Thank you for my babies. Thank you for my friends. Thank you for the light, the air, the love, the joy...
I'm going to try harder to be brave again. I know its the changes in my body that are affecting my mind and I will find my way back to being a warrior.
Love,
Linds
Sunday, May 5, 2013
30 Days Post Surgery - Ups and Downs
Hey all,
The month of April was definitely a crazy month for me. On April 3rd I had my lumpectomy and then April 5th I had my ovaries removed. Having two surgeries in one week was pretty crazy, but it is good to know that it is over with.
Let me start out by saying that pathology results showed that my cancer wasn't actually growing. The MRI had been changing probably because of scar tissue and effects of my infusion treatments. I'm still very glad that we chose the more aggressive route of removing the cancer and my ovaries. Pathology on the ovaries showed no evidence of cancer, which rules. So, I'm super happy to know that my medicine is working at keeping the cancer down.
Surgeries weren't too bad... I was able to get up and moving pretty much the next day after the ovary surgery. I did my best to do what I called "Zombie-ing" up and down the street. I walked slightly hunched over, extraordinarily slowly, back and forth, for as long as I could, every day. Eventually the pace quickened, my posture improved, and I was going on legit walks with my dad after a few weeks.
I'm sort of having some issues now, a month out. I think I pushed myself a little too fast and I seem to have re-injured something somewhere in my stomach...They think somewhere around my rectal sheath (muscles that run down the front of your stomach). I'm having an ultrasound tomorrow to see if anything can be seen. My oncologist, and aunt (who is a nurse) and myself all thought that extreme rest was a good idea. So, although I had been back at work the last two weeks, I had to take off again. I've been on super couch rest since Thursday. My stomach is feeling ok, but I know that as soon as I go to lift something or move to quickly, I'll pull whatever I hurt again. Whether its torn internal stitches, or a pulled muscle, the pain was really bad so hopefully this period of resting will help it heal. I'm also having some sort of issue with possibly an allerigic reaction to something around my incision sites...so we shall see.
I'm having a hard time lately though. I've been having good news, and I hope these issues I'm currently having are minor, but the hardest thing I've been dealing with lately is having a friend who had to move. Its funny I feel like I'm in third grade all over again or something. My surgeon's PA, Leah, has been one of the most important people in the world to me. I don't think I would have the same attitude and strength about this whole thing if I hadn't have met her. She was there from the beginning, explaining my diagnoses to me and helping with the millions of questions. She knew how to bring a sense of calm. She brought reiki into my life from the time chemo started until she moved a couple weeks ago. She held my hand before surgeries and came with me into the operating room so the last thing I would see would be a friend. She took time out of her life to come to my house every day after surgery to give me blood thinner shots. She brought yoga back into my life. She is this incredible person, AMAZING friend, brilliant girl... Reiki, and her presence and friendship, I truly believe were huge parts in my recovery. I am sort of scared now that she is gone. I mean, not gone, she just moved back to her home town for an amazing job opportunity and for family, which is awesome... I feel sort of selfish being so sad about it. But... Anyway.. I've blathered on about this. I just think that facing this without her so close is going to make it much harder.
Anyway, if I was going to talk about anything else I've forgotten it by now. See, I'm not always tough.
Love,
Linds
The month of April was definitely a crazy month for me. On April 3rd I had my lumpectomy and then April 5th I had my ovaries removed. Having two surgeries in one week was pretty crazy, but it is good to know that it is over with.
Let me start out by saying that pathology results showed that my cancer wasn't actually growing. The MRI had been changing probably because of scar tissue and effects of my infusion treatments. I'm still very glad that we chose the more aggressive route of removing the cancer and my ovaries. Pathology on the ovaries showed no evidence of cancer, which rules. So, I'm super happy to know that my medicine is working at keeping the cancer down.
Surgeries weren't too bad... I was able to get up and moving pretty much the next day after the ovary surgery. I did my best to do what I called "Zombie-ing" up and down the street. I walked slightly hunched over, extraordinarily slowly, back and forth, for as long as I could, every day. Eventually the pace quickened, my posture improved, and I was going on legit walks with my dad after a few weeks.
I'm sort of having some issues now, a month out. I think I pushed myself a little too fast and I seem to have re-injured something somewhere in my stomach...They think somewhere around my rectal sheath (muscles that run down the front of your stomach). I'm having an ultrasound tomorrow to see if anything can be seen. My oncologist, and aunt (who is a nurse) and myself all thought that extreme rest was a good idea. So, although I had been back at work the last two weeks, I had to take off again. I've been on super couch rest since Thursday. My stomach is feeling ok, but I know that as soon as I go to lift something or move to quickly, I'll pull whatever I hurt again. Whether its torn internal stitches, or a pulled muscle, the pain was really bad so hopefully this period of resting will help it heal. I'm also having some sort of issue with possibly an allerigic reaction to something around my incision sites...so we shall see.
I'm having a hard time lately though. I've been having good news, and I hope these issues I'm currently having are minor, but the hardest thing I've been dealing with lately is having a friend who had to move. Its funny I feel like I'm in third grade all over again or something. My surgeon's PA, Leah, has been one of the most important people in the world to me. I don't think I would have the same attitude and strength about this whole thing if I hadn't have met her. She was there from the beginning, explaining my diagnoses to me and helping with the millions of questions. She knew how to bring a sense of calm. She brought reiki into my life from the time chemo started until she moved a couple weeks ago. She held my hand before surgeries and came with me into the operating room so the last thing I would see would be a friend. She took time out of her life to come to my house every day after surgery to give me blood thinner shots. She brought yoga back into my life. She is this incredible person, AMAZING friend, brilliant girl... Reiki, and her presence and friendship, I truly believe were huge parts in my recovery. I am sort of scared now that she is gone. I mean, not gone, she just moved back to her home town for an amazing job opportunity and for family, which is awesome... I feel sort of selfish being so sad about it. But... Anyway.. I've blathered on about this. I just think that facing this without her so close is going to make it much harder.
Anyway, if I was going to talk about anything else I've forgotten it by now. See, I'm not always tough.
Love,
Linds
Thursday, April 4, 2013
Ovaries Today, Gone Tomorrow
This is sort of a hard one to write, but I sort of feel the need to write about it. At least something short, cause its almost 10pm and I have to be at the hospital at 5:30am.
I lose a part of me tomorrow that is a huge part of what makes a woman a woman. You can't see them, but come on, our ovaries do so much. More than for just having children...
I have this scary surgery tomorrow, and I'm going to wake up and nothing will be the same. 29 and in menopause. I'm not sure exactly what that means yet, because I know it is different for everyone, but its not something you expect to deal with. I guess you never expect to deal with anything that I'm dealing with at 29, but, hey, its the cards I was dealt. I'm still in the game.
I'm scared.
Probably the most I have been so far.
But when I get in bed, I'll meditate, i'll try to go to bed with a positive head, I'll listen to very relaxing music, i'll hold Nic's hand, and I'll ask for everything to go well tomorrow.
I guess this post isn't as "chin up" as usual, but you can't always be that way. I feel like i'm allowed to mourn my ovaries.
As far as my boob goes, i've got this super big wound, and I don't even think i'll mind the scar. Battle scars, cause I'm fighting. It doesn't hurt too too bad. I would have liked to have taken the ibuprofen regimen given to me, but I couldn't since this second surgery popped up so quickly (per my request...just didn't anticipate two days later hahaa).
The cats have been hilarious and they make me smile. Everyone who loves me and knows me knows how important they are to me. My family have been amazing throughout it all, but of course especially so during healing times. My honeypoo Nic is the best. He's gotta bring home the bacon so I don't see him as much as I like, but he is off tomorrow so I get to spend all the time after surgery snuggled with him.
I'm blessed with family (human and kitty alike)
Tomorrow will be ok...
Love,
Linds.
Here is a picture of Pierre and Elvis. Elvis loves shirts. ;)
I lose a part of me tomorrow that is a huge part of what makes a woman a woman. You can't see them, but come on, our ovaries do so much. More than for just having children...
I have this scary surgery tomorrow, and I'm going to wake up and nothing will be the same. 29 and in menopause. I'm not sure exactly what that means yet, because I know it is different for everyone, but its not something you expect to deal with. I guess you never expect to deal with anything that I'm dealing with at 29, but, hey, its the cards I was dealt. I'm still in the game.
I'm scared.
Probably the most I have been so far.
But when I get in bed, I'll meditate, i'll try to go to bed with a positive head, I'll listen to very relaxing music, i'll hold Nic's hand, and I'll ask for everything to go well tomorrow.
I guess this post isn't as "chin up" as usual, but you can't always be that way. I feel like i'm allowed to mourn my ovaries.
As far as my boob goes, i've got this super big wound, and I don't even think i'll mind the scar. Battle scars, cause I'm fighting. It doesn't hurt too too bad. I would have liked to have taken the ibuprofen regimen given to me, but I couldn't since this second surgery popped up so quickly (per my request...just didn't anticipate two days later hahaa).
The cats have been hilarious and they make me smile. Everyone who loves me and knows me knows how important they are to me. My family have been amazing throughout it all, but of course especially so during healing times. My honeypoo Nic is the best. He's gotta bring home the bacon so I don't see him as much as I like, but he is off tomorrow so I get to spend all the time after surgery snuggled with him.
I'm blessed with family (human and kitty alike)
Tomorrow will be ok...
Love,
Linds.
Here is a picture of Pierre and Elvis. Elvis loves shirts. ;)
Wednesday, April 3, 2013
Breast Surgery Today
Hey all-
This will hopefully be a quickie since it is late. I had my lumpectomy today, and so far, its not as painful as I was expecting. I guess I have to wait a little bit to hear from the doctor about the pathology.
What is crazy is that I was supposed to have my ovaries removed at the end of this month, but that seemed quite far away so I asked the surgeon if we could move it up a little. That turned into this FRIDAY. I'm really nervous about this surgery because it is much more invasive. They are planning on doing a laproscopic surgery. Hopefully everything goes as planned, and I am still an outpatient. I have to be intubated though, and I'll be in menopause afterward, and there is just a whole bunch of worry that comes along with being 29 and having your ovaries out. I am out of options, so I'm happy we are making this decision, but it doesn't stop be from being scared.
If you pray, please pray for me on this one. I have a great surgeon though, Dr Abbas at Sinai (he'll be performing the surgery at St. Joes though).
Oh yeah, I have to give myself blood thinner injections in the stomach every day for two weeks after surgery. y i k e s.
Anyway, as soon as I'm feeling up to it after surgery, i'll update everyone.
Love,
Linds
This will hopefully be a quickie since it is late. I had my lumpectomy today, and so far, its not as painful as I was expecting. I guess I have to wait a little bit to hear from the doctor about the pathology.
What is crazy is that I was supposed to have my ovaries removed at the end of this month, but that seemed quite far away so I asked the surgeon if we could move it up a little. That turned into this FRIDAY. I'm really nervous about this surgery because it is much more invasive. They are planning on doing a laproscopic surgery. Hopefully everything goes as planned, and I am still an outpatient. I have to be intubated though, and I'll be in menopause afterward, and there is just a whole bunch of worry that comes along with being 29 and having your ovaries out. I am out of options, so I'm happy we are making this decision, but it doesn't stop be from being scared.
If you pray, please pray for me on this one. I have a great surgeon though, Dr Abbas at Sinai (he'll be performing the surgery at St. Joes though).
Oh yeah, I have to give myself blood thinner injections in the stomach every day for two weeks after surgery. y i k e s.
Anyway, as soon as I'm feeling up to it after surgery, i'll update everyone.
Love,
Linds
Friday, March 22, 2013
Long Time No Chat, eh?
I've been a bad bad blogger. I got into this routine of doing my best to forget that I have cancer. Impossible, truly, but I tried. There wasn't really much going on other than going to infusions every three weeks. I guess I could have been writing about other things. People may read and find it interesting, or they may not, but at least I'd be active on here.
But hey, I've got action to write about now! Action is never a fun thing to write about in a cancer blog though. So, after some scans, the news is that the cancer is growing back in my breast. I was very scared because we didn't know if that meant it was growing back in the liver too. I had a CT scan on wednesday, and my doctors tell me that it looks the same as from three months ago. That is VERY good news, to I guess soften the blow of the reality- its growing back.
Its growing. That means something they are giving me isn't working. My ONC says that its probably the Tamoxifen (my estrogen blocker). He said that is not always very effective in women with Her2+ breast cancer. So, that means Tamoxifen is out, and a new game plan is in.
I'll be having a lumpectomy of the area that is growing back. I also am going to have my ovaries removed. No ovaries = no estrogen to feed the tumors. Also, being BRCA1, I have a 50% lifetime risk of ovarian cancer. Its not the thing you want to hear at 29... menopause, bone density issues, sexual side effects, cholesterol, hot flashes, etc. I believe that this is the only option though. I'm hoping that they can coordinate the surgeries so I can have both procedures done at the same time, but they said there wasn't a big chance of that working out.
The cancer is growing in such a weird spot in my breast...its like near my armpit and deep set. They can't really get a good map from the MRI or the Mammogram (yeah, had my first one of those today...ouch). So... I have to have another freaking biopsy during and MRI so they can put in a metal clip to use to navigate to the site during surgery. To say that I'm super scared is an understatement. My liver biopsy was such an excruciating experience... I'm not looking forward to this. It is supposed to be set for Wednesday... fun fun.
This week had been pretty hard. Pierre has been very sick and I don't know why. We had bloodwork done but I still don't have results because my vet was off, and then sick today. I'm hoping to get results soon. He's been going to the vet for fluids the past few days. His temperature was finally normal today, which makes me feel some relief, but he's still not walking, eating, drinking, or acting normally. I'm praying for him more than anything.
Also, we got a new kitten almost two weeks ago now. He's a real cutie.. no name yet, but hopefully we will agree on one soon. <3
OK, bye for now friends, and I'll leave you with a photo of the little one.
Love,
Linds
But hey, I've got action to write about now! Action is never a fun thing to write about in a cancer blog though. So, after some scans, the news is that the cancer is growing back in my breast. I was very scared because we didn't know if that meant it was growing back in the liver too. I had a CT scan on wednesday, and my doctors tell me that it looks the same as from three months ago. That is VERY good news, to I guess soften the blow of the reality- its growing back.
Its growing. That means something they are giving me isn't working. My ONC says that its probably the Tamoxifen (my estrogen blocker). He said that is not always very effective in women with Her2+ breast cancer. So, that means Tamoxifen is out, and a new game plan is in.
I'll be having a lumpectomy of the area that is growing back. I also am going to have my ovaries removed. No ovaries = no estrogen to feed the tumors. Also, being BRCA1, I have a 50% lifetime risk of ovarian cancer. Its not the thing you want to hear at 29... menopause, bone density issues, sexual side effects, cholesterol, hot flashes, etc. I believe that this is the only option though. I'm hoping that they can coordinate the surgeries so I can have both procedures done at the same time, but they said there wasn't a big chance of that working out.
The cancer is growing in such a weird spot in my breast...its like near my armpit and deep set. They can't really get a good map from the MRI or the Mammogram (yeah, had my first one of those today...ouch). So... I have to have another freaking biopsy during and MRI so they can put in a metal clip to use to navigate to the site during surgery. To say that I'm super scared is an understatement. My liver biopsy was such an excruciating experience... I'm not looking forward to this. It is supposed to be set for Wednesday... fun fun.
This week had been pretty hard. Pierre has been very sick and I don't know why. We had bloodwork done but I still don't have results because my vet was off, and then sick today. I'm hoping to get results soon. He's been going to the vet for fluids the past few days. His temperature was finally normal today, which makes me feel some relief, but he's still not walking, eating, drinking, or acting normally. I'm praying for him more than anything.
Also, we got a new kitten almost two weeks ago now. He's a real cutie.. no name yet, but hopefully we will agree on one soon. <3
OK, bye for now friends, and I'll leave you with a photo of the little one.
Love,
Linds
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
Scan Results and a New Year
Hey All,
Soo... back on the 21st of December ( the same day as Nic's birthday and the apocalypse ), we got the results of my latest scans. Sorry I'm slightly delayed, but the holidays are a crazy time, and I've been trying to get my Meow Match website going again, which has been driving me bananas.
Anyway, so my scans show that currently there is almost no visible cancer. (whee!). The doctors conversed and they agreed that surgery isn't really in the cards for me at the moment because you can't cut out what you can't see. Since I am already stage 4, it doesn't really make sense to go through the double mastectomies currently because, I mean, its already spread, so, it could spread again whether I have my boobs or not. So I'm pretty stoked that right now I don't have to worry about having surgery. I am extremely grateful to my doctors, medicine, my family, love, positivity, all of the prayers, reiki, the awesome food my mom has been feeding me... everything works together.
I'm not out of the woods, unless they come up with some new amazing drugs or cures, I'll never be out of the woods. But I've found a sunny patch for the moment and I'm going to enjoy it :) I'm trying to work more on my business, i'm going to see if I can get some of my products in stores as well as get ecommerce up and going on my website (pain in the butt).
I still go for infusions every few weeks for my targeted drugs, and they've added Tamoxifen into the mix to help block the estrogen. Hopefully these drugs keep working for me for a long time. There are no crystal balls though, no guarantees.
Its important to appreciate all of those amazing things around you, and all the amazing people in your life.
I am so grateful to everyone who has been by my side, physically or figuratively. The fight definitely isn't over, but we've got good news now, and that rules. Hopefully 2013 is filled with good news :)
I hope everyone had a wonderful New Years!
Love you,
Linds
Soo... back on the 21st of December ( the same day as Nic's birthday and the apocalypse ), we got the results of my latest scans. Sorry I'm slightly delayed, but the holidays are a crazy time, and I've been trying to get my Meow Match website going again, which has been driving me bananas.
Anyway, so my scans show that currently there is almost no visible cancer. (whee!). The doctors conversed and they agreed that surgery isn't really in the cards for me at the moment because you can't cut out what you can't see. Since I am already stage 4, it doesn't really make sense to go through the double mastectomies currently because, I mean, its already spread, so, it could spread again whether I have my boobs or not. So I'm pretty stoked that right now I don't have to worry about having surgery. I am extremely grateful to my doctors, medicine, my family, love, positivity, all of the prayers, reiki, the awesome food my mom has been feeding me... everything works together.
I'm not out of the woods, unless they come up with some new amazing drugs or cures, I'll never be out of the woods. But I've found a sunny patch for the moment and I'm going to enjoy it :) I'm trying to work more on my business, i'm going to see if I can get some of my products in stores as well as get ecommerce up and going on my website (pain in the butt).
I still go for infusions every few weeks for my targeted drugs, and they've added Tamoxifen into the mix to help block the estrogen. Hopefully these drugs keep working for me for a long time. There are no crystal balls though, no guarantees.
Its important to appreciate all of those amazing things around you, and all the amazing people in your life.
I am so grateful to everyone who has been by my side, physically or figuratively. The fight definitely isn't over, but we've got good news now, and that rules. Hopefully 2013 is filled with good news :)
I hope everyone had a wonderful New Years!
Love you,
Linds
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
technical difficulties
So, I was trying to edit the post I wrote earlier today, and somehow it deleted the whole thing. I'm not going to sit here and re-write it all, so here is the jist in a bulleted list:
• finished chemo
• waiting to get scans (MRI friday, PET/CT monday)
• will meet with oncologist and liver surgeon after scans and discuss surgery/dates
• still get infusions with my targeted drugs, but I feel way better after those now since there isn't any chemo
and that is about it!
oh, and I finished with this painting I created last night of one of the best internet cats around, Grumpy Cat!
• finished chemo
• waiting to get scans (MRI friday, PET/CT monday)
• will meet with oncologist and liver surgeon after scans and discuss surgery/dates
• still get infusions with my targeted drugs, but I feel way better after those now since there isn't any chemo
and that is about it!
oh, and I finished with this painting I created last night of one of the best internet cats around, Grumpy Cat!
ok, i hope everyone is having a beautiful day
love,
Linds
Thursday, September 20, 2012
Sorry for the delay...
Hi All,
I've been bad lately, not having posted a blog entry in a while. I've either been getting distracted by projects or not feeling so well, and neither of those scenarios really make me good about writing a blog. But, here I am now! Better late than never!
I'd like to cover what has been going on in the past few weeks, but as I think I've said chemo brain is no myth, so things fly in and out of my head as they please. Ohhhh, memorieeeeees.
The last round of chemo was hard for me, knocked me down pretty bad. I didn't really even have the energy to walk up steps, let alone go out and do anything. It was really nice having a week off last week. I tried to make the most of it. Went out for a few meals, enjoyed not being so tired, went for walks, etc. I started my third round of chemo this past friday. So far, *knock on wood*, I feel a bit better than I did during the last round. I am still very tired though. I was in the other room making some cat toys and trying to be productive, which is definitely better than I can say about the last round. So, at least I'm not laying on the couch. Pierre and I had some fun product testing a little bit ago.
I've been bad lately, not having posted a blog entry in a while. I've either been getting distracted by projects or not feeling so well, and neither of those scenarios really make me good about writing a blog. But, here I am now! Better late than never!
I'd like to cover what has been going on in the past few weeks, but as I think I've said chemo brain is no myth, so things fly in and out of my head as they please. Ohhhh, memorieeeeees.
The last round of chemo was hard for me, knocked me down pretty bad. I didn't really even have the energy to walk up steps, let alone go out and do anything. It was really nice having a week off last week. I tried to make the most of it. Went out for a few meals, enjoyed not being so tired, went for walks, etc. I started my third round of chemo this past friday. So far, *knock on wood*, I feel a bit better than I did during the last round. I am still very tired though. I was in the other room making some cat toys and trying to be productive, which is definitely better than I can say about the last round. So, at least I'm not laying on the couch. Pierre and I had some fun product testing a little bit ago.
I got the word from my doctor yesterday that my CA2729 is down again to 41 :) (normal range is up to 40) So i'm getting there! I was very stoked to have gotten that news.
I started doing Reiki weekly with one of my doctors, Leah. I have found this to be such an amazing form of therapy. It is the one time in the week when I can really find myself in a calm place, I can let go of everything I may fear and have anxiety about, and I can just breathe and focus on healing. For me, its better than a massage. I'm so grateful for the chance to be able to that every sunday. (Hopefully it'll help offset some of the stress that sundays will bring now that football season is back on! ha ha)
Since I've been spending tons of time around the house, here are some cute kitty pictures
I've been getting some really great cards and emails from so many of you, I really appreciate them all! I'm sorry if i'm bad about calling back and such sometimes. My heart warms every time I read them and they always brighten my day.
There are a few other things I need to write about, but I've done about as much sitting in front of my computer as I can do for the moment. Its a really gorgeous day outside so I'm going to try to get myself out there for a walk.
Love,
Linds
Monday, August 27, 2012
CA2729 is Down! :)
Hi all!
It has been a while since I last wrote a blog, but all last week my brother was here providing me with amazing distractions, and previous to that I was still grumpy from port surgery, and post Mike being here I had a cat show in Philly to deal with (although I only had the gusto to make it for one day).
Anyway, I woke up today to an email from my Oncologist, the awesome Dr. Gaffar! There is a cancer marker in your blood that they watch that elevates when you have cancer, the type they are watching in me is called CA2729, and they hope to see the number go down once you start treatment. My email this morning informed me that the marker was cut by more than half since before I started treatment! :) I love having this news because it helps me know that our course of action is doing some butt kicking :)
So, backtracking a bit, my brother was in town last week. That was super awesome because I haven't seen him since the wedding. I love him and he made my heart smile every moment that we were together. He flew off to a wedding in Florence for one of his best friends, but he will be stopping back through for Labor day, so I'll have one last chance to hug and kiss him until he's back off to Seattle.
Leigh also came for a visit, which was totally awesome! I didn't get enough time with her since it totally coincided with doctor's appointments and my brother's visit, but she'll be back soon and we will get to frolic more.
So the cat show this weekend was cool, but a decent 2 hour drive, and I was not so successful in the sales. But, I did get to see some really great friends and I met some new lovely people. There are so many people out there that are affected by cancer and I just never realized. Everyone was very supportive and giving me positive feedback and tips. I LOVE POSITIVITY. Oh, and here is Lynzkatz Possum, an American Shorthair who is whooping butt in the shows right now, top cat at the moment! He's gorgeous an a sweetheart and I got to pet him for the first time at this show. He is amazing :)
The cat show was also awesome cause there were tons of Burmese and Bombays! More than I've seen at a show lately, so that was really great :) I wish I had taken more photos, but this one of Possum was all that I took. I'll hopefully have Nic around at the show next month in Timonium to help make sure I take a proper amount of pictures.
Now back to my mention of POSITIVITY, and this is sort of a spin off, but while only rarely, on my Facebook, people leave things that aren't conducive to positivity. I'm not going to mention specifics, but please people, if you have some link to show me, or something to say that definitely goes against the plan that my doctors have put in place for me, please do not show me. The best thing I can do is believe in my course of action and trust my doctors and know that I am going to come through this and beat it. I love all of the food suggestions and exercise or alternative healing practices, but anything that puts down what my doctors have planned for me is not a helpful suggestion. I just wanted to put that out there.
I'm going to be embarking on something new as well. Reiki. But I'll write about this in my next blog :)
My acid reflux is kicking my throat right now, my hair is falling out, so I'm going to go hunt for my Pepcid and work on these Neff beanie hats that I am making with hair extensions sewn into them.
I'll leave you all with a couple of pictures of the furry cuties in the household:
It has been a while since I last wrote a blog, but all last week my brother was here providing me with amazing distractions, and previous to that I was still grumpy from port surgery, and post Mike being here I had a cat show in Philly to deal with (although I only had the gusto to make it for one day).
Anyway, I woke up today to an email from my Oncologist, the awesome Dr. Gaffar! There is a cancer marker in your blood that they watch that elevates when you have cancer, the type they are watching in me is called CA2729, and they hope to see the number go down once you start treatment. My email this morning informed me that the marker was cut by more than half since before I started treatment! :) I love having this news because it helps me know that our course of action is doing some butt kicking :)
So, backtracking a bit, my brother was in town last week. That was super awesome because I haven't seen him since the wedding. I love him and he made my heart smile every moment that we were together. He flew off to a wedding in Florence for one of his best friends, but he will be stopping back through for Labor day, so I'll have one last chance to hug and kiss him until he's back off to Seattle.
Leigh also came for a visit, which was totally awesome! I didn't get enough time with her since it totally coincided with doctor's appointments and my brother's visit, but she'll be back soon and we will get to frolic more.
So the cat show this weekend was cool, but a decent 2 hour drive, and I was not so successful in the sales. But, I did get to see some really great friends and I met some new lovely people. There are so many people out there that are affected by cancer and I just never realized. Everyone was very supportive and giving me positive feedback and tips. I LOVE POSITIVITY. Oh, and here is Lynzkatz Possum, an American Shorthair who is whooping butt in the shows right now, top cat at the moment! He's gorgeous an a sweetheart and I got to pet him for the first time at this show. He is amazing :)
The cat show was also awesome cause there were tons of Burmese and Bombays! More than I've seen at a show lately, so that was really great :) I wish I had taken more photos, but this one of Possum was all that I took. I'll hopefully have Nic around at the show next month in Timonium to help make sure I take a proper amount of pictures.
Now back to my mention of POSITIVITY, and this is sort of a spin off, but while only rarely, on my Facebook, people leave things that aren't conducive to positivity. I'm not going to mention specifics, but please people, if you have some link to show me, or something to say that definitely goes against the plan that my doctors have put in place for me, please do not show me. The best thing I can do is believe in my course of action and trust my doctors and know that I am going to come through this and beat it. I love all of the food suggestions and exercise or alternative healing practices, but anything that puts down what my doctors have planned for me is not a helpful suggestion. I just wanted to put that out there.
I'm going to be embarking on something new as well. Reiki. But I'll write about this in my next blog :)
My acid reflux is kicking my throat right now, my hair is falling out, so I'm going to go hunt for my Pepcid and work on these Neff beanie hats that I am making with hair extensions sewn into them.
I'll leave you all with a couple of pictures of the furry cuties in the household:
Friday, August 17, 2012
A Little Bit Of Port (shucks, I don't mean the wine)
Hi Everyone!
First off, does everyone (at least in the Baltimore area) see how beautiful it is out today? Oh my gosh! Granted its still warm for my taste, its lovely to view out the window ;) Come on September! Nice weather will bring the return of lovely morning Stoneleigh walks with my dad. <3
OK, so what has happened since I last wrote? Well, a big piece of news is that I picked up my first wig! Before the beautiful and amazing Jasmine and her sister embarked on the journey of donating their hair and having a wig created for me, I had already started one in the works. I am very excited that I will have two so I will not be stuck in a situation where I have nothing to put on my head! I have to give a HUGE shout out to my amazing in laws Joe and Mary Alger for purchasing this very generous gift for me. Wigs like this are not cheap, but having this will really help my self esteem and just my sense of normalcy through all of this. I am so grateful <3 My wig looks exactly like my hair. I mean, its insane. Sherri Romm at Versacchi is a wizard, a genius, an absolute artist. Seriously... If anyone reading this is in a similar situation of needing hair replacement, please check out this salon. Not only is she talented, but she is just unbelievably sweet and compassionate too.
First off, does everyone (at least in the Baltimore area) see how beautiful it is out today? Oh my gosh! Granted its still warm for my taste, its lovely to view out the window ;) Come on September! Nice weather will bring the return of lovely morning Stoneleigh walks with my dad. <3
OK, so what has happened since I last wrote? Well, a big piece of news is that I picked up my first wig! Before the beautiful and amazing Jasmine and her sister embarked on the journey of donating their hair and having a wig created for me, I had already started one in the works. I am very excited that I will have two so I will not be stuck in a situation where I have nothing to put on my head! I have to give a HUGE shout out to my amazing in laws Joe and Mary Alger for purchasing this very generous gift for me. Wigs like this are not cheap, but having this will really help my self esteem and just my sense of normalcy through all of this. I am so grateful <3 My wig looks exactly like my hair. I mean, its insane. Sherri Romm at Versacchi is a wizard, a genius, an absolute artist. Seriously... If anyone reading this is in a similar situation of needing hair replacement, please check out this salon. Not only is she talented, but she is just unbelievably sweet and compassionate too.
So that was Wednesday, on to Thursday, and Thursday was PORT DAY don don don
So I went in for surgery to have a port placed. I'm going to cheat and just copy some wikipedia information on what a port is for anyone who might not know:
In medicine, a port (or portacath) is a small medical appliance that is installed beneath the skin. A catheter connects the port to a vein. Under the skin, the port has a septum through which drugs can be injected and blood samples can be drawn many times, usually with less discomfort for the patient than a more typical "needle stick".
The port is usually inserted in the upper chest, just below the clavicle or collar bone, leaving the patient's hands free.
I googled a picture of what the thing that they inserted in me looks like:
So surgery wasn't so bad. They put me under, so I don't really remember too much. Recovery wasn't that bad, and I had great nurses as usual. It was pretty rough the rest of the night though with nausea, because I am so sensitive to the anesthesia and I had taken vicodin on a pretty much empty stomach. Silly me. Sleep was also hard to come by because I was left with some decent pain from the procedure. I'm feeling a lot better today, though there is definitely some residual nausea. I just finally took one of the pills that they prescribed for nausea that I've been avoiding because I did not want to deal with the side effects listed. The last thing you want is medicine that makes you drowsy when you've already been drowsy for an entire day post anesthesia. Anyway, I took it a few minutes ago, so we'll see how it goes.
Today I got a really cute gift from the gang at my dentist's office. Thank you so much everyone @ The Smile Design Center for my super adorable Build-a-bear kitty, who happens to look JUST LIKE one of my favorite ambassador cats from the cat shows, who happens to be named Hope, so I have named the kitty you guys gave me Hope as well :) She'll definitely be coming with me to Chemo in her super comfy robe and slippers! Here is a photo of me w/ the stuffed kitty (and my kitty ice pack), and a photo of the real Hope ;)
Anyway, I shall sign off from this blog post with a morning time crazy haired family portrait (minus Biko cause she was off sleeping somewhere still) I hope everyone is having a great day, and LOVE TO ALL!! <3 <3
XOXO,
LINDS
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
A Proper Thank You
Hello there friends,
I felt it necessary today to just leave a quick shout out to everyone. I have been very blessed to have so many people sending me their love, rooting for me, sending me little notes and gifts, messages on Facebook, comments on here, etc.
It has been hard for me to acknowledge everything properly, but I Just want everyone to know that I have appreciated every thing. Every time I get a message from anyone it puts a huge smile on my face. It really helps me stay positive knowing that you guys are out there thinking of me and everything.
I've gotten some cute cards too as well, and I received a particularly awesome one today from my godmother: I think i'm mostly resembling sleeping beauty right now, but I'd like to get more along the lines of little red riding hood ;)
I also received a nice package from a friend of my beloved Jasmine which included some cancer books which I am excited to explore:
AND! I still don't know who the mystery person is who left the box of ice pops, a Rita's gift card and some cute Daisies on my doorstep, but it was much appreciated!!! :)
Anyway, I just want everyone to know I read every word I see written and smile at every message that is relayed to me. Thank you all for being here for me, and supporting me through this.
I'm feeling a bit under the weather today... They said that you might have some flu like/cold symptoms at some point.. I think they might have come today. My face feels swollen and I feel tired. I am going to go do some massive hydrating right now I think. Oh, and who knew that Acne came with chemo? (or quitting birth control...) I've never had acne, so if anyone has any experience with chemo and acne, or just acne, please hook a sister up with some tips because this is lame!
haha..
Love to all,
Linds
I felt it necessary today to just leave a quick shout out to everyone. I have been very blessed to have so many people sending me their love, rooting for me, sending me little notes and gifts, messages on Facebook, comments on here, etc.
It has been hard for me to acknowledge everything properly, but I Just want everyone to know that I have appreciated every thing. Every time I get a message from anyone it puts a huge smile on my face. It really helps me stay positive knowing that you guys are out there thinking of me and everything.
I've gotten some cute cards too as well, and I received a particularly awesome one today from my godmother: I think i'm mostly resembling sleeping beauty right now, but I'd like to get more along the lines of little red riding hood ;)
I also received a nice package from a friend of my beloved Jasmine which included some cancer books which I am excited to explore:
AND! I still don't know who the mystery person is who left the box of ice pops, a Rita's gift card and some cute Daisies on my doorstep, but it was much appreciated!!! :)
Anyway, I just want everyone to know I read every word I see written and smile at every message that is relayed to me. Thank you all for being here for me, and supporting me through this.
I'm feeling a bit under the weather today... They said that you might have some flu like/cold symptoms at some point.. I think they might have come today. My face feels swollen and I feel tired. I am going to go do some massive hydrating right now I think. Oh, and who knew that Acne came with chemo? (or quitting birth control...) I've never had acne, so if anyone has any experience with chemo and acne, or just acne, please hook a sister up with some tips because this is lame!
haha..
Love to all,
Linds
Monday, August 13, 2012
Chemo and Cat Show Weekend!
Hey all,
how is everyone today? well I hope :)
Biko and I just sat down to write a blog together, although she is spending more time trying to knock little things off my desk rather than help me focus on typing.
So I had my second round of chemo on friday, and it went about the same as the last. There are such great doctors and nurses and all around awesome people at the hospital so it always makes it a much more pleasant experience. I had a pretty large posse with me for this go around, which was pretty nice. It was Mom, Dad, Nic, Laura, and Nic's parents Mary and Joe!
Hopefully this was my last chemo IV! I have a consultation on tuesday for getting surgery to put a port put into my chest.
We all went out to dinner afterwards at Gertrude's, which of course we all know is my favorite restaurant. (and where Nic and I got married). I had the Sea Bass... amaaaaaaaazing!!!
So then this weekend was CAT SHOW TIME!!! I was so happy to be able to go! Nic was a huge help with me all weekend. I got to hang out with awesome people this weekend too, like Deborah Curtis who is one of the awesomest and strongest and most beautiful people I know. Somehow I came away from this weekend without a photo of us, but I'll get one at the next show (in Philly in about two weeks.. its after a chemo day so we'll see if I am up for it, but i hope so!)
This is Hope, she is an Ambassador cat at the cat shows. She's an exotic shorthair and very plush an amazing :)
I made some decent sales at the show, had a good time, and saw lots of great cats. It was definitely a good experience for my morale :) Though after each day I was pretty much completely bushwhacked and couldn't get off the couch. Luckily I had a friend named Apollo who was more than happy to enjoy the "fatigue symptoms" with me:
I made a list of things I would like to get done today... I think there are over 30. I'm not really sure how that happened, but I think I'll choose 5 good ones to tackle, cause I just don't know about the energy levels. I hope everyone has a glorious day today :)
XOXO,
Linds
how is everyone today? well I hope :)
Biko and I just sat down to write a blog together, although she is spending more time trying to knock little things off my desk rather than help me focus on typing.
So I had my second round of chemo on friday, and it went about the same as the last. There are such great doctors and nurses and all around awesome people at the hospital so it always makes it a much more pleasant experience. I had a pretty large posse with me for this go around, which was pretty nice. It was Mom, Dad, Nic, Laura, and Nic's parents Mary and Joe!
We all went out to dinner afterwards at Gertrude's, which of course we all know is my favorite restaurant. (and where Nic and I got married). I had the Sea Bass... amaaaaaaaazing!!!
So then this weekend was CAT SHOW TIME!!! I was so happy to be able to go! Nic was a huge help with me all weekend. I got to hang out with awesome people this weekend too, like Deborah Curtis who is one of the awesomest and strongest and most beautiful people I know. Somehow I came away from this weekend without a photo of us, but I'll get one at the next show (in Philly in about two weeks.. its after a chemo day so we'll see if I am up for it, but i hope so!)
I made some decent sales at the show, had a good time, and saw lots of great cats. It was definitely a good experience for my morale :) Though after each day I was pretty much completely bushwhacked and couldn't get off the couch. Luckily I had a friend named Apollo who was more than happy to enjoy the "fatigue symptoms" with me:
I made a list of things I would like to get done today... I think there are over 30. I'm not really sure how that happened, but I think I'll choose 5 good ones to tackle, cause I just don't know about the energy levels. I hope everyone has a glorious day today :)
XOXO,
Linds
Thursday, August 9, 2012
Ain't No Party Like A Liver Biopsy Party
Actually there is no party about it. Don't do it. Ever.
There is no ifs ands or butts, a liver biopsy is going to hurt like heck.
Before I get into anything, I must say, a friend sent me a photo the morning of the biopsy that was probably the only thing that could have put a smile on my face knowing what I had to go in for...and it is his most perfectly adorable pug Lydia!!
Its nice to have that day over and past though. I actually don't really want to even go back into describing it, but needless to say, the procedure was a really unpleasant one and the rest of the day was sort of a lost day because I was sick from the sedatives and in a lot of pain from needles mussing with my liver.
I tried to put on a smile before I went in for the procedure but I know this one looks a bit fake:
Today is a new day! Today was Brain MRI Day. Wheeee. Much easier to deal with. I just had to sit inside of a MRI machine for like a half hour that vibrated like a bad massage chair. I might have lost a few brain cells in the process, but it was pain free (even the injection was no big deal). I will hopefully have results from that test tomorrow when I meet with my oncologist after chemo.
Nic's parents are coming into town today! So that will be really awesome to see Mary and Joe :) They'll be here for a little while and get to get in on the super awesome shindig that is chemo fridays.
super important piece of info: CAT SHOW THIS WEEKEND!
hahaha... yess! As long as my bloodwork comes back with happy white blood cell counts, I'm allowed to go :) My goal is to vend, so hopefully chemo doesn't wipe me out too much. If I am tired from it, I will at least go and try to hang out all day both days, probably to the annoyance of my friends :) We all know that cat shows are one of my favorite activities in the world so I hope everything works out well. So anyone who is around and loves cats, the show is this weekend at the TIMONIUM FAIR GROUNDS! There will be lots of awesome people and awesome kitties and it'll just be an all around good time. Come support me, my friends, whatever :)
I've also been working on cleaning my room. I'm going to try to make things a little more zen around here. If you know me and my bedroom, you know that i'm slightly borderline hoarder status (mostly because of my fabrics). Nic has been helping me tremendously on an organizational system, and my mom is giving us her office for my new sewing room! Beyond generous!
Anyway, today is a good day, and I'm hyper, probably because I'm back on the dexamethasone for four days. I'm going to take advantage of the energy cause i'm sure I'll lose a step after chemo again.
Anyway, i'm going to go play with Pierre and Biko for a bit. I love all you guys and I'm sure I'll have some more to write post chemo.
LOVE YOU,
LINDS
here is a photo of Pierre, Zeus, and Apollo to brighten your day. They know how to relax and be zen.
There is no ifs ands or butts, a liver biopsy is going to hurt like heck.
Before I get into anything, I must say, a friend sent me a photo the morning of the biopsy that was probably the only thing that could have put a smile on my face knowing what I had to go in for...and it is his most perfectly adorable pug Lydia!!
Its nice to have that day over and past though. I actually don't really want to even go back into describing it, but needless to say, the procedure was a really unpleasant one and the rest of the day was sort of a lost day because I was sick from the sedatives and in a lot of pain from needles mussing with my liver.
I tried to put on a smile before I went in for the procedure but I know this one looks a bit fake:
Today is a new day! Today was Brain MRI Day. Wheeee. Much easier to deal with. I just had to sit inside of a MRI machine for like a half hour that vibrated like a bad massage chair. I might have lost a few brain cells in the process, but it was pain free (even the injection was no big deal). I will hopefully have results from that test tomorrow when I meet with my oncologist after chemo.
Nic's parents are coming into town today! So that will be really awesome to see Mary and Joe :) They'll be here for a little while and get to get in on the super awesome shindig that is chemo fridays.
super important piece of info: CAT SHOW THIS WEEKEND!
hahaha... yess! As long as my bloodwork comes back with happy white blood cell counts, I'm allowed to go :) My goal is to vend, so hopefully chemo doesn't wipe me out too much. If I am tired from it, I will at least go and try to hang out all day both days, probably to the annoyance of my friends :) We all know that cat shows are one of my favorite activities in the world so I hope everything works out well. So anyone who is around and loves cats, the show is this weekend at the TIMONIUM FAIR GROUNDS! There will be lots of awesome people and awesome kitties and it'll just be an all around good time. Come support me, my friends, whatever :)
I've also been working on cleaning my room. I'm going to try to make things a little more zen around here. If you know me and my bedroom, you know that i'm slightly borderline hoarder status (mostly because of my fabrics). Nic has been helping me tremendously on an organizational system, and my mom is giving us her office for my new sewing room! Beyond generous!
Anyway, today is a good day, and I'm hyper, probably because I'm back on the dexamethasone for four days. I'm going to take advantage of the energy cause i'm sure I'll lose a step after chemo again.
Anyway, i'm going to go play with Pierre and Biko for a bit. I love all you guys and I'm sure I'll have some more to write post chemo.
LOVE YOU,
LINDS
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
Water
Ok this this will be short and sweet. I wasn't planning on sitting down to write a blog today because I have to be at the hospital the next three days taking care of tests and stuff so those things are much more interesting to write about.
BUT!
A huge thing I have learned from cancer so far, and I'm sure many of you were smart enough to already know this, but if you didn't...here it is
WATER IS AMAZING
People always says "you don't drink enough water", and you shrug it off because you don't feel particularly thirsty and what not. Since I started going through all of these appointments at the hospital, I've been told to have certain amounts of water every day. Now that I am going through chemo, they say I need to have a minimum of 64oz of water a day (I've been shooting more for in the 80's). Before this, I was lucky to drink like two small bottles a day.
I thought for a second that chemo was the miracle to good skin, and then I realized, oh wait, its the water! haha... I've always been complimented on my skin, but I've never felt like it was particularly amazing or anything. These last two weeks of drinking water, the color/feel/quality/whatever of my skin has improved drastically. My nails are growing faster, my shaved legs feel way smoother (though now i'm supposed to quit using a regular razor...stupid chemo) haha..
anyway, like I said, this probably wasn't huge news to anyone, but if any of you feel like you could be drinking more water, I highly recommend you start. Its amazing how it makes you feel, even though at first its more like a chore making sure you are drinking that much.
OK, i'm done now. Dad and I are going to Whole Foods.
And I feel great today, by the way :)
XOXO,
Linds
(P.S. I seem to think these posts will be short and sweet, and I say they will be, and then I ramble. Silly me ;))
BUT!
A huge thing I have learned from cancer so far, and I'm sure many of you were smart enough to already know this, but if you didn't...here it is
WATER IS AMAZING
People always says "you don't drink enough water", and you shrug it off because you don't feel particularly thirsty and what not. Since I started going through all of these appointments at the hospital, I've been told to have certain amounts of water every day. Now that I am going through chemo, they say I need to have a minimum of 64oz of water a day (I've been shooting more for in the 80's). Before this, I was lucky to drink like two small bottles a day.
I thought for a second that chemo was the miracle to good skin, and then I realized, oh wait, its the water! haha... I've always been complimented on my skin, but I've never felt like it was particularly amazing or anything. These last two weeks of drinking water, the color/feel/quality/whatever of my skin has improved drastically. My nails are growing faster, my shaved legs feel way smoother (though now i'm supposed to quit using a regular razor...stupid chemo) haha..
anyway, like I said, this probably wasn't huge news to anyone, but if any of you feel like you could be drinking more water, I highly recommend you start. Its amazing how it makes you feel, even though at first its more like a chore making sure you are drinking that much.
OK, i'm done now. Dad and I are going to Whole Foods.
And I feel great today, by the way :)
XOXO,
Linds
(P.S. I seem to think these posts will be short and sweet, and I say they will be, and then I ramble. Silly me ;))
Sunday, August 5, 2012
Two Days After First Chemo Session
Hi all,
Just thought I'd check in. I've been lucky to have the past two days, as well as the next two, to just relax. So far my symptoms from chemo has been mild (fingers crossed!). I've been mostly dealing with a lot of skin flushing and some fatigue. I've got a decent amount of energy until around 2pm or so and then I've been kind of done. Luckily I have my wonderful family around to hang out with me and bring me popsicles :)
I did get some errands done the past two days, which made me feel good. Today Nic and I went looking at mattresses. Did you know that they had beds out there with cool gel that runs through them? When your skin is flushing so hot, that sounds like the most amazing thing on earth. I could have laid on the beds at the mattress stores all day.
This Phenom was pretty comfy, but Tempurpedic definitely reigned supreme.
Nic and I also went to the grocery store today and got some kale and leeks, fruit, and tons of popsicles and ice cream :) (and SUNFLOWERS of course) there is nothing happier than a sunflower.
But, alas, the grocery store and the mattress scouting was about all I was good for today. I ate today too though, which was good. Not a lot, but way more than I did yesterday. Food just sounded so gross yesterday. The only thing that has gotten me to eat so far is Rigatoni Abruzzi from Bertuccis. mmmm... (although it took me four meals over two days to finish one portion)
Anyway, Nic snapped a photo of me with Apollo and Lamby now that i'm bushwhacked on the couch.
Just thought I'd check in. I've been lucky to have the past two days, as well as the next two, to just relax. So far my symptoms from chemo has been mild (fingers crossed!). I've been mostly dealing with a lot of skin flushing and some fatigue. I've got a decent amount of energy until around 2pm or so and then I've been kind of done. Luckily I have my wonderful family around to hang out with me and bring me popsicles :)
I did get some errands done the past two days, which made me feel good. Today Nic and I went looking at mattresses. Did you know that they had beds out there with cool gel that runs through them? When your skin is flushing so hot, that sounds like the most amazing thing on earth. I could have laid on the beds at the mattress stores all day.
Nic and I also went to the grocery store today and got some kale and leeks, fruit, and tons of popsicles and ice cream :) (and SUNFLOWERS of course) there is nothing happier than a sunflower.
But, alas, the grocery store and the mattress scouting was about all I was good for today. I ate today too though, which was good. Not a lot, but way more than I did yesterday. Food just sounded so gross yesterday. The only thing that has gotten me to eat so far is Rigatoni Abruzzi from Bertuccis. mmmm... (although it took me four meals over two days to finish one portion)
Anyway, Nic snapped a photo of me with Apollo and Lamby now that i'm bushwhacked on the couch.
As long as things go like this, I have two more days of no doctors. That makes me happy :) Next week I deal with a liver biopsy, a brain MRI, and more chemo, but until then, I'll just enjoy my family, kitties, and probably get some sewing in tomorrow :)
XOXO,
Linds
Friday, August 3, 2012
First Day of Chemo
Hi all..
So today I spent 7 hours at the hospital for my first chemotherapy session. That is a LONG time to be at the hospital. It went really well though. We had a chemo class in the morning at 8:30, they went over side effects and how everything works.
I had to get blood work done and wait for like an hour to make sure my blood was looking good enough to take the medications. They have decided to give me the Taxotere in two separate installments instead of the whole dose at once, so instead of having to go to chemo once every three weeks, at least in the beginning, i have to go two weeks in a row, with one week off. Hopefully this will lessen the harsh side effects of this drug, primarily the fact that it can significantly lower my white blood cells and make me very prone to infections. Sadly, no more raw meat/fish for me, and I have to be really careful to wash all of my vegetables. No ordering salads or anything at restaurants.
So today wasn't so bad. I know that you don't feel sick right away, so I wasn't expecting it to be a hard day. I had my father, my mother, Nic, and my dear friend Laura come with me today. You know people love you when they sit around with you for 7 hours while you are hooked up to an IV.
I have about four days off from the hospital, hopefully, and then I have another barrage of tests. I have to go in for a liver biopsy, a brain scan, more chemo, and a meeting with my oncologist.
Every doctor I have encountered at St. Joseph's is AMAZING. All of my doctors came and sat with me for extended periods of time throughout the day. They really care about their patients and it makes the whole experience that much more bearable.
There were some nice people around me receiving treatment as well. The wife of a man receiving treatment saw my hello kitty shirt, as well as the hello kitty scrub shirt of my infusion nurse, and she ended up going to the gift shop and buying us both Hello Kitty Pez Dispensers! haha..i thought that was really sweet for a perfect stranger to do :)
SO, hopefully I continue to feel good. We shall see. Hopefully the smaller dose of Taxotere will make it easier on me. The only side effect that I have felt so far is that I had some pretty bad face flushing earlier, but i'm feeling better from that. I know i'll probably have more effects coming in the next few days, but hopefully they will be mild.
On a slightly different note, my absolutely amazing friend Jasmine and her sister have decided to cut their hair and have it turned into a wig to donate to me. (how unbelievable is that!) They started a fundraising website where they can try to accumulate the money to pay to have the hair turned into a wig. If anyone is interested in donating any amount at all, it would be amazing. Here is the link if you would like to check it out:
http://www.youcaring.com/fundraiser_details?url=lindsnewdo&fundraiser_id=6894
SO, here are some pictures from today: Me sitting in my chemo chair
and good ol' Lamby coming along for the chemo:
So today I spent 7 hours at the hospital for my first chemotherapy session. That is a LONG time to be at the hospital. It went really well though. We had a chemo class in the morning at 8:30, they went over side effects and how everything works.
I had to get blood work done and wait for like an hour to make sure my blood was looking good enough to take the medications. They have decided to give me the Taxotere in two separate installments instead of the whole dose at once, so instead of having to go to chemo once every three weeks, at least in the beginning, i have to go two weeks in a row, with one week off. Hopefully this will lessen the harsh side effects of this drug, primarily the fact that it can significantly lower my white blood cells and make me very prone to infections. Sadly, no more raw meat/fish for me, and I have to be really careful to wash all of my vegetables. No ordering salads or anything at restaurants.
So today wasn't so bad. I know that you don't feel sick right away, so I wasn't expecting it to be a hard day. I had my father, my mother, Nic, and my dear friend Laura come with me today. You know people love you when they sit around with you for 7 hours while you are hooked up to an IV.
I have about four days off from the hospital, hopefully, and then I have another barrage of tests. I have to go in for a liver biopsy, a brain scan, more chemo, and a meeting with my oncologist.
Every doctor I have encountered at St. Joseph's is AMAZING. All of my doctors came and sat with me for extended periods of time throughout the day. They really care about their patients and it makes the whole experience that much more bearable.
There were some nice people around me receiving treatment as well. The wife of a man receiving treatment saw my hello kitty shirt, as well as the hello kitty scrub shirt of my infusion nurse, and she ended up going to the gift shop and buying us both Hello Kitty Pez Dispensers! haha..i thought that was really sweet for a perfect stranger to do :)
SO, hopefully I continue to feel good. We shall see. Hopefully the smaller dose of Taxotere will make it easier on me. The only side effect that I have felt so far is that I had some pretty bad face flushing earlier, but i'm feeling better from that. I know i'll probably have more effects coming in the next few days, but hopefully they will be mild.
On a slightly different note, my absolutely amazing friend Jasmine and her sister have decided to cut their hair and have it turned into a wig to donate to me. (how unbelievable is that!) They started a fundraising website where they can try to accumulate the money to pay to have the hair turned into a wig. If anyone is interested in donating any amount at all, it would be amazing. Here is the link if you would like to check it out:
http://www.youcaring.com/fundraiser_details?url=lindsnewdo&fundraiser_id=6894
SO, here are some pictures from today: Me sitting in my chemo chair
Love you guys,
Linds
Thursday, August 2, 2012
MUGA Scan and Wig Shopping
Hi all,
So today was a long day. I went back to the doctor early afternoon because I have to get a baseline test done of my heart. Its called a MUGA scan, which just makes me think of muggles from Harry Potter. :)
It wasn't too bad... they put yet another IV in my arm and took some blood. Then the girl brought it back somewhere and mixed it with some type of radioactive agent, and 25 minutes later re-injected it into my body. The scan wasn't bad at all, it was actually quite relaxing. Nic got to sit with me the entire time so it wasn't bad at all, except that the IV hurt quite a bit because I've been stuck so many times in the past week. The technician seemed to think that everything looked good in my heart (it tests the ventricle function to make sure that your heart is pumping blood efficiently). She said that she couldn't say for sure until they looked at it a little further, but she seemed fine on it. They do this test to make sure your heart is strong because a side effect of that Pertuzumab is that in very few women, it messes with your heart function. Lets hope that is not my problem!
After the doctor, Nic and I went to Versacchi in Owings Mills to talk to them about wigs. I'm probably going to be losing my hair within two weeks, but they seem confident that they can have a wig made up for me in time. Everyone there was so nice and compassionate, and they showed me some sample wigs that looked amazing! They are going to make me a wig that looks almost exactly like my current hair cut and color, so that makes me really happy. They say that its not the vanity of the hair, but just the normalcy that comes from looking at your self in the mirror and feeling like you are still you. I'm really excited about these women there. I even found out that I went to school with the receptionist, and they were awesome enough to give me a bit of a discount for "friends and family". SO AWESOME :) But to be straight, wigs like this are EXPENSIVE. Like, whatever you are thinking an expensive wig costs, you should probably at least double it, if not triple it. The place I ordered mine from was not as expensive as the other place I called today, but the first place I called quoted me "more than the baseline of $2000, possibly up to $3000, since I'll need custom work to make it look like my own hair". I am stoked to go with Versacci though, the place rules, and these are not your wigs from sally's. This wig is gonna look just like my own hair, and feel like it (though a bit thicker since this is my chance to have thick hair :)), so its totally worth the cost.
Nic and I then went to Smyth so I could see my co-workers and say "see ya later" for about three weeks. My doctor thinks that I should cut out of work for at least the first round of chemo to see how I handle it. I love my old department and my new department at work, so it was really wonderful to hug everyone and get to chat for a bit. My boss, my coworkers showed me so much love and understanding. I wish I could still see them every day. <3
Nic and I then went to get some chicken, naked juices, and lots of peppers, carrots and veggies from Fresh Market. Right next to fresh market was a really awesome Yoga shop, so I decided that I was going to get some Chemo clothes. I mean, if you have to go through this, you might as well be super comfy, and what is more comfy than yoga clothes? They're always super expensive, but I'm stoked and it'll be nice to wear them tomorrow.
I know this is getting long, if anyone is still hanging in there, here is the plan for tomorrow:
Chemo class and then Chemo (which will be a number of hours). I'll be getting loading doses of the drugs so I think it will take a little longer than normal. Its scary, and I hope I don't feel too sick from it (although they tell me that you usually feel sick a few days or so out, not the first days).
ALSO, I found out that I am in fact BRCA positive. Its a gene mutation in Ashkenazi women. (European Jewish Background) It greatly increases your risk of Ovarian and Breast Cancer, especially in young women. This is probably the reason I developed cancer.
I'll post tomorrow and let everyone know how it went (as long as I'm feeling good.)
Nic bought me a little stuffed lamb that looks JUST like Biko, so she is my new Chemo Lamb. I'll be taking her with me.
So today was a long day. I went back to the doctor early afternoon because I have to get a baseline test done of my heart. Its called a MUGA scan, which just makes me think of muggles from Harry Potter. :)
It wasn't too bad... they put yet another IV in my arm and took some blood. Then the girl brought it back somewhere and mixed it with some type of radioactive agent, and 25 minutes later re-injected it into my body. The scan wasn't bad at all, it was actually quite relaxing. Nic got to sit with me the entire time so it wasn't bad at all, except that the IV hurt quite a bit because I've been stuck so many times in the past week. The technician seemed to think that everything looked good in my heart (it tests the ventricle function to make sure that your heart is pumping blood efficiently). She said that she couldn't say for sure until they looked at it a little further, but she seemed fine on it. They do this test to make sure your heart is strong because a side effect of that Pertuzumab is that in very few women, it messes with your heart function. Lets hope that is not my problem!
After the doctor, Nic and I went to Versacchi in Owings Mills to talk to them about wigs. I'm probably going to be losing my hair within two weeks, but they seem confident that they can have a wig made up for me in time. Everyone there was so nice and compassionate, and they showed me some sample wigs that looked amazing! They are going to make me a wig that looks almost exactly like my current hair cut and color, so that makes me really happy. They say that its not the vanity of the hair, but just the normalcy that comes from looking at your self in the mirror and feeling like you are still you. I'm really excited about these women there. I even found out that I went to school with the receptionist, and they were awesome enough to give me a bit of a discount for "friends and family". SO AWESOME :) But to be straight, wigs like this are EXPENSIVE. Like, whatever you are thinking an expensive wig costs, you should probably at least double it, if not triple it. The place I ordered mine from was not as expensive as the other place I called today, but the first place I called quoted me "more than the baseline of $2000, possibly up to $3000, since I'll need custom work to make it look like my own hair". I am stoked to go with Versacci though, the place rules, and these are not your wigs from sally's. This wig is gonna look just like my own hair, and feel like it (though a bit thicker since this is my chance to have thick hair :)), so its totally worth the cost.
Nic and I then went to Smyth so I could see my co-workers and say "see ya later" for about three weeks. My doctor thinks that I should cut out of work for at least the first round of chemo to see how I handle it. I love my old department and my new department at work, so it was really wonderful to hug everyone and get to chat for a bit. My boss, my coworkers showed me so much love and understanding. I wish I could still see them every day. <3
Nic and I then went to get some chicken, naked juices, and lots of peppers, carrots and veggies from Fresh Market. Right next to fresh market was a really awesome Yoga shop, so I decided that I was going to get some Chemo clothes. I mean, if you have to go through this, you might as well be super comfy, and what is more comfy than yoga clothes? They're always super expensive, but I'm stoked and it'll be nice to wear them tomorrow.
I know this is getting long, if anyone is still hanging in there, here is the plan for tomorrow:
Chemo class and then Chemo (which will be a number of hours). I'll be getting loading doses of the drugs so I think it will take a little longer than normal. Its scary, and I hope I don't feel too sick from it (although they tell me that you usually feel sick a few days or so out, not the first days).
ALSO, I found out that I am in fact BRCA positive. Its a gene mutation in Ashkenazi women. (European Jewish Background) It greatly increases your risk of Ovarian and Breast Cancer, especially in young women. This is probably the reason I developed cancer.
I'll post tomorrow and let everyone know how it went (as long as I'm feeling good.)
Nic bought me a little stuffed lamb that looks JUST like Biko, so she is my new Chemo Lamb. I'll be taking her with me.
So, until tomorrow, LOVE YOU <3, Linds
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
Visit with my Oncologist
Hi all. Sooo, I dated this post for yesterday because I'm going to write about yesterday separately from today. Yesterday, being Wednesday, I met with my Oncologist. His name is Dr. Gafar and he is really awesome :) He's young and funny and patient and seems really caring.
Overview on my cancer:
• Stage 4 Ductal Carcinoma Breast Cancer that has metastasized to my Liver
• I have two tumors on my left breat and four on my liver
• I'm going to have to work super freaking hard to kick this thing's ass.
He went over everything with us again, showed me the PET scans of my body so I could see the areas of my liver that are affected. I'll tell you what, its REALLY scary to see those large black spots on the scan... I really wish that they could find a way to make them bright pink or something so at least it wouldn't seem to scary and ominous to see cancer on a scan.
We talked a lot about the cocktail that I'm going to get during my chemotherapy sessions, side effects, etc. For any of you medical buffs that are interested, these are the drugs that I'm going to be taking:
• Pertuzumab (aka Perjeta)- This is a super brand new drug that just got approved by the FDA in June. Its a targeted therapy drug and everyone is super excited about this drug. It has shown to be very effective at shrinking the type of cancer I have, along with having minimal side effects. I'm really excited and I have high hopes for it (as do my doctors)
• Herceptin- This is also another drug that is a targeted therapy. It is going to hone in on the receptors that I have on my cancer cells and hopefully shrink the crap out of them :)
• Taxotere- This is a basic chemotherapy drug. This is the drug that will bring the side effects (fatigue, hair loss, possible infertility/menopause (hopefully not), etc. Its the one that makes you feel like crap sometimes. Its job is to kill the cells that the other drugs inhibit and shrink.
The doctor told me some news that is sort of hard to wrap my head around. He said that at this point, since I have stage 4 metastatic breast cancer, I'll likely never be cancer free. He compared to being like living with diabetes or high blood pressure. If you don't take your medicine, it could kill you. But the goal is to shrink up these tumors, possibly cut out some stuff way down the road, and then keep me on medication to help keep it quiet. Its not the best news that someone could get, but anything to be ALIVE. I'm still going to be as positive and as strong as I can be.
So, I start Chemo on Friday. I'm nervous, but I've got such a wonderful support team :) Nic and my parents are going to come with me, and Laura (just like a sister, and has been AMAZING during this all so far) took off work so she can come with us tomorrow too!
There are like a million other things that we talked about, but I feel like I covered the biggies.
THANK YOU to everyone who has been sending their love, light, support, positivity. It means so much to me. I've gotten so much love on Facebook, and I'm sorry if I am slow to write back to everyone, but every moment of my time almost has been consumed with doctors appointments, scans, communing with my family... I'm so talked out by the end of the day when I can get to my computer. But every word from everyone means so much to me, and it makes me feel strong and more positive every time I get a note or a text... I love you all and all of this love I am getting back makes me feel like I can really beat this.
<3,
Linds
Overview on my cancer:
• Stage 4 Ductal Carcinoma Breast Cancer that has metastasized to my Liver
• I have two tumors on my left breat and four on my liver
• I'm going to have to work super freaking hard to kick this thing's ass.
He went over everything with us again, showed me the PET scans of my body so I could see the areas of my liver that are affected. I'll tell you what, its REALLY scary to see those large black spots on the scan... I really wish that they could find a way to make them bright pink or something so at least it wouldn't seem to scary and ominous to see cancer on a scan.
We talked a lot about the cocktail that I'm going to get during my chemotherapy sessions, side effects, etc. For any of you medical buffs that are interested, these are the drugs that I'm going to be taking:
• Pertuzumab (aka Perjeta)- This is a super brand new drug that just got approved by the FDA in June. Its a targeted therapy drug and everyone is super excited about this drug. It has shown to be very effective at shrinking the type of cancer I have, along with having minimal side effects. I'm really excited and I have high hopes for it (as do my doctors)
• Herceptin- This is also another drug that is a targeted therapy. It is going to hone in on the receptors that I have on my cancer cells and hopefully shrink the crap out of them :)
• Taxotere- This is a basic chemotherapy drug. This is the drug that will bring the side effects (fatigue, hair loss, possible infertility/menopause (hopefully not), etc. Its the one that makes you feel like crap sometimes. Its job is to kill the cells that the other drugs inhibit and shrink.
The doctor told me some news that is sort of hard to wrap my head around. He said that at this point, since I have stage 4 metastatic breast cancer, I'll likely never be cancer free. He compared to being like living with diabetes or high blood pressure. If you don't take your medicine, it could kill you. But the goal is to shrink up these tumors, possibly cut out some stuff way down the road, and then keep me on medication to help keep it quiet. Its not the best news that someone could get, but anything to be ALIVE. I'm still going to be as positive and as strong as I can be.
So, I start Chemo on Friday. I'm nervous, but I've got such a wonderful support team :) Nic and my parents are going to come with me, and Laura (just like a sister, and has been AMAZING during this all so far) took off work so she can come with us tomorrow too!
There are like a million other things that we talked about, but I feel like I covered the biggies.
THANK YOU to everyone who has been sending their love, light, support, positivity. It means so much to me. I've gotten so much love on Facebook, and I'm sorry if I am slow to write back to everyone, but every moment of my time almost has been consumed with doctors appointments, scans, communing with my family... I'm so talked out by the end of the day when I can get to my computer. But every word from everyone means so much to me, and it makes me feel strong and more positive every time I get a note or a text... I love you all and all of this love I am getting back makes me feel like I can really beat this.
<3,
Linds
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