Ovaries Today, Gone Tomorrow

This is sort of a hard one to write, but I sort of feel the need to write about it. At least something short, cause its almost 10pm and I have to be at the hospital at 5:30am.

I lose a part of me tomorrow that is a huge part of what makes a woman a woman. You can't see them, but come on, our ovaries do so much. More than for just having children...

I have this scary surgery tomorrow, and I'm going to wake up and nothing will be the same. 29 and in menopause. I'm not sure exactly what that means yet, because I know it is different for everyone, but its not something you expect to deal with. I guess you never expect to deal with anything that I'm dealing with at 29, but, hey, its the cards I was dealt. I'm still in the game.

I'm scared.
Probably the most I have been so far.

But when I get in bed, I'll meditate, i'll try to go to bed with a positive head, I'll listen to very relaxing music, i'll hold Nic's hand, and I'll ask for everything to go well tomorrow.

I guess this post isn't as "chin up" as usual, but you can't always be that way. I feel like i'm allowed to mourn my ovaries.


As far as my boob goes, i've got this super big wound, and I don't even think i'll mind the scar. Battle scars, cause I'm fighting. It doesn't hurt too too bad. I would have liked to have taken the ibuprofen regimen given to me, but I couldn't since this second surgery popped up so quickly (per my request...just didn't anticipate two days later hahaa).

The cats have been hilarious and they make me smile. Everyone who loves me and knows me knows how important they are to me. My family have been amazing throughout it all, but of course especially so during healing times. My honeypoo Nic is the best. He's gotta bring home the bacon so I don't see him as much as I like, but he is off tomorrow so I get to spend all the time after surgery snuggled with him.

I'm blessed with family (human and kitty alike)

Tomorrow will be ok...

Love,
Linds.

Here is a picture of Pierre and Elvis. Elvis loves shirts. ;)

Breast Surgery Today

Hey all-

This will hopefully be a quickie since it is late. I had my lumpectomy today, and so far, its not as painful as I was expecting. I guess I have to wait a little bit to hear from the doctor about the pathology.

What is crazy is that I was supposed to have my ovaries removed at the end of this month, but that seemed quite far away so I asked the surgeon if we could move it up a little. That turned into this FRIDAY. I'm really nervous about this surgery because it is much more invasive. They are planning on doing a laproscopic surgery. Hopefully everything goes as planned, and I am still an outpatient. I have to be intubated though, and I'll be in menopause afterward, and there is just a whole bunch of worry that comes along with being 29 and having your ovaries out. I am out of options, so I'm happy we are making this decision, but it doesn't stop be from being scared.

If you pray, please pray for me on this one. I have a great surgeon though, Dr Abbas at Sinai (he'll be performing the surgery at St. Joes though).

Oh yeah, I have to give myself blood thinner injections in the stomach every day for two weeks after surgery. y i k e s.

Anyway, as soon as I'm feeling up to it after surgery, i'll update everyone.

Love,
Linds

Long Time No Chat, eh?

I've been a bad bad blogger. I got into this routine of doing my best to forget that I have cancer. Impossible, truly, but I tried. There wasn't really much going on other than going to infusions every three weeks. I guess I could have been writing about other things. People may read and find it interesting, or they may not, but at least I'd be active on here.

But hey, I've got action to write about now! Action is never a fun thing to write about in a cancer blog though. So, after some scans, the news is that the cancer is growing back in my breast. I was very scared because we didn't know if that meant it was growing back in the liver too. I had a CT scan on wednesday, and my doctors tell me that it looks the same as from three months ago. That is VERY good news, to I guess soften the blow of the reality- its growing back.

Its growing. That means something they are giving me isn't working. My ONC says that its probably the Tamoxifen (my estrogen blocker). He said that is not always very effective in women with Her2+ breast cancer. So, that means Tamoxifen is out, and a new game plan is in.

I'll be having a lumpectomy of the area that is growing back. I also am going to have my ovaries removed. No ovaries = no estrogen to feed the tumors. Also, being BRCA1, I have a 50% lifetime risk of ovarian cancer. Its not the thing you want to hear at 29... menopause, bone density issues, sexual side effects, cholesterol, hot flashes, etc. I believe that this is the only option though. I'm hoping that they can coordinate the surgeries so I can have both procedures done at the same time, but they said there wasn't a big chance of that working out.

The cancer is growing in such a weird spot in my breast...its like near my armpit and deep set. They can't really get a good map from the MRI or the Mammogram (yeah, had my first one of those today...ouch). So... I have to have another freaking biopsy during and MRI so they can put in a metal clip to use to navigate to the site during surgery. To say that I'm super scared is an understatement. My liver biopsy was such an excruciating experience... I'm not looking forward to this. It is supposed to be set for Wednesday... fun fun.

This week had been pretty hard. Pierre has been very sick and I don't know why. We had bloodwork done but I still don't have results because my vet was off, and then sick today. I'm hoping to get results soon. He's been going to the vet for fluids the past few days. His temperature was finally normal today, which makes me feel some relief, but he's still not walking, eating, drinking, or acting normally. I'm praying for him more than anything.

Also, we got a new kitten almost two weeks ago now. He's a real cutie.. no name yet, but hopefully we will agree on one soon. <3

OK, bye for now friends, and I'll leave you with a photo of the little one.
Love,
Linds

Scan Results and a New Year

Hey All,

Soo... back on the 21st of December ( the same day as Nic's birthday and the apocalypse ), we got the results of my latest scans. Sorry I'm slightly delayed, but the holidays are a crazy time, and I've been trying to get my Meow Match website going again, which has been driving me bananas.

Anyway, so my scans show that currently there is almost no visible cancer. (whee!). The doctors conversed and they agreed that surgery isn't really in the cards for me at the moment because you can't cut out what you can't see. Since I am already stage 4, it doesn't really make sense to go through the double mastectomies currently because, I mean, its already spread, so, it could spread again whether I have my boobs or not. So I'm pretty stoked that right now I don't have to worry about having surgery. I am extremely grateful to my doctors, medicine, my family, love, positivity, all of the prayers, reiki, the awesome food my mom has been feeding me... everything works together.

I'm not out of the woods, unless they come up with some new amazing drugs or cures, I'll never be out of the woods. But I've found a sunny patch for the moment and I'm going to enjoy it :) I'm trying to work more on my business, i'm going to see if I can get some of my products in stores as well as get ecommerce up and going on my website (pain in the butt).

I still go for infusions every few weeks for my targeted drugs, and they've added Tamoxifen into the mix to help block the estrogen. Hopefully these drugs keep working for me for a long time. There are no crystal balls though, no guarantees.

Its important to appreciate all of those amazing things around you, and all the amazing people in your life.

I am so grateful to everyone who has been by my side, physically or figuratively. The fight definitely isn't over, but we've got good news now, and that rules. Hopefully 2013 is filled with good news :)

I hope everyone had a wonderful New Years!
Love you,
Linds

technical difficulties

So, I was trying to edit the post I wrote earlier today, and somehow it deleted the whole thing. I'm not going to sit here and re-write it all, so here is the jist in a bulleted list:

• finished chemo
• waiting to get scans (MRI friday, PET/CT monday)
• will meet with oncologist and liver surgeon after scans and discuss surgery/dates
• still get infusions with my targeted drugs, but I feel way better after those now since there isn't any chemo

and that is about it!

oh, and I finished with this painting I created last night of one of the best internet cats around, Grumpy Cat!

ok, i hope everyone is having a beautiful day

love,

Linds

Sorry for the delay...

Hi All,

I've been bad lately, not having posted a blog entry in a while. I've either been getting distracted by projects or not feeling so well, and neither of those scenarios really make me good about writing a blog. But, here I am now! Better late than never!

I'd like to cover what has been going on in the past few weeks, but as I think I've said chemo brain is no myth, so things fly in and out of my head as they please. Ohhhh, memorieeeeees.

The last round of chemo was hard for me, knocked me down pretty bad. I didn't really even have the energy to walk up steps, let alone go out and do anything. It was really nice having a week off last week. I tried to make the most of it. Went out for a few meals, enjoyed not being so tired, went for walks, etc. I started my third round of chemo this past friday. So far, *knock on wood*, I feel a bit better than I did during the last round. I am still very tired though. I was in the other room making some cat toys and trying to be productive, which is definitely better than I can say about the last round. So, at least I'm not laying on the couch. Pierre and I had some fun product testing a little bit ago.

I got the word from my doctor yesterday that my CA2729 is down again to 41 :) (normal range is up to 40) So i'm getting there! I was very stoked to have gotten that news. 

I started doing Reiki weekly with one of my doctors, Leah. I have found this to be such an amazing form of therapy. It is the one time in the week when I can really find myself in a calm place, I can let go of everything I may fear and have anxiety about, and I can just breathe and focus on healing. For me, its better than a massage. I'm so grateful for the chance to be able to that every sunday. (Hopefully it'll help offset some of the stress that sundays will bring now that football season is back on! ha ha)

Since I've been spending tons of time around the house, here are some cute kitty pictures

I've been getting some really great cards and emails from so many of you, I really appreciate them all! I'm sorry if i'm bad about calling back and such sometimes. My heart warms every time I read them and  they always brighten my day. 

There are a few other things I need to write about, but I've done about as much sitting in front of my computer as I can do for the moment. Its a really gorgeous day outside so I'm going to try to get myself out there for a walk. 

Love,

Linds

CA2729 is Down! :)

Hi all!

It has been a while since I last wrote a blog, but all last week my brother was here providing me with amazing distractions, and previous to that I was still grumpy from port surgery, and post Mike being here I had a cat show in Philly to deal with (although I only had the gusto to make it for one day).

Anyway, I woke up today to an email from my Oncologist, the awesome Dr. Gaffar! There is a cancer marker in your blood that they watch that elevates when you have cancer, the type they are watching in me is called CA2729, and they hope to see the number go down once you start treatment. My email this morning informed me that the marker was cut by more than half since before I started treatment! :) I love having this news because it helps me know that our course of action is doing some butt kicking :)

So, backtracking a bit, my brother was in town last week. That was super awesome because I haven't seen him since the wedding. I love him and he made my heart smile every moment that we were together. He flew off to a wedding in Florence for one of his best friends, but he will be stopping back through for Labor day, so I'll have one last chance to hug and kiss him until he's back off to Seattle.

Leigh also came for a visit, which was totally awesome! I didn't get enough time with her since it totally coincided with doctor's appointments and my brother's visit, but she'll be back soon and we will get to frolic more.

So the cat show this weekend was cool, but a decent 2 hour drive, and I was not so successful in the sales. But, I did get to see some really great friends and I met some new lovely people. There are so many people out there that are affected by cancer and I just never realized. Everyone was very supportive and giving me positive feedback and tips. I LOVE POSITIVITY. Oh, and here is Lynzkatz Possum, an American Shorthair who is whooping butt in the shows right now, top cat at the moment! He's gorgeous an a sweetheart and I got to pet him for the first time at this show. He is amazing :)

The cat show was also awesome cause there were tons of Burmese and Bombays! More than I've seen at a show lately, so that was really great :) I wish I had taken more photos, but this one of Possum was all that I took. I'll hopefully have Nic around at the show next month in Timonium to help make sure I take a proper amount of pictures.


Now back to my mention of POSITIVITY, and this is sort of a spin off, but while only rarely, on my Facebook, people leave things that aren't conducive to positivity. I'm not going to mention specifics, but please people, if you have some link to show me, or something to say that definitely goes against the plan that my doctors have put in place for me, please do not show me. The best thing I can do is believe in my course of action and trust my doctors and know that I am going to come through this and beat it. I love all of the food suggestions and exercise or alternative healing practices, but anything that puts down what my doctors have planned for me is not a helpful suggestion. I just wanted to put that out there.

I'm going to be embarking on something new as well. Reiki. But I'll write about this in my next blog :)

My acid reflux is kicking my throat right now, my hair is falling out, so I'm going to go hunt for my Pepcid and work on these Neff beanie hats that I am making with hair extensions sewn into them.

I'll leave you all with a couple of pictures of the furry cuties in the household: